


Coma Girl and the Excitement Gang

by Beth7232



Category: Fleabag (TV)
Genre: F/M, Post-Canon, Screenplay/Script Format
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-17 07:13:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 22,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28596018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beth7232/pseuds/Beth7232
Summary: A year and a bit after the end of series two, the Priest gets news that sends him flying through the streets of London to a nearby hospital. Or, my take on Fleabag series three.
Relationships: Fleabag/Priest (Fleabag)
Comments: 133
Kudos: 171





	1. Episode 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!  
> Goodness, it’s been ages since I wrote a fanfic, let alone posted one! Like everyone else on this portion of the site, Fleabag impacted me in a huge way, and I just had to get my feelings out. I decided I’d try my hand at writing a screenplay. I wanted people to be able to picture the actions of the characters in whatever way they wanted, since there are so many specific behaviors they have that I cannot possibly begin to describe. I’ve never written a screenplay before, so bear with me, and please do let me know what you think! I did my best to mimic Fleabag: The Scriptures, and even copied some of the flashbacks from there directly.  
> Okay, now on with the show!
> 
> *Title from the song "Coma Girl" by Joe Strummer & The Mescaleros*
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing, aside from my own thoughts and daydreams.

**RECAP OF LAST SERIES** ****

**_TITLE: 602 DAYS, 12 HOURS & 14 MINUTES LATER_ ** ****

**EXT. STREETS OF LONDON - DAY  
**We see the PRIEST running as fast as he can through the streets of London. He is decked out in his mass vestments. All we hear is his panting.

 **INT. PRIEST’S HOUSE. BEDROOM - MORNING  
**Earlier that day.

We find the Priest in his bed. His hair is longer than in the previous series, and he has dark circles under his eyes. His room is a wreck - lots of empty bottles and open books.

Montage of the Priest’s morning: waking up, showering (oo-er), shaving, dressing, praying, breakfasting. He does it all mechanically. He is unaware of the camera.

 **INT. CHURCH - DAY  
**The Priest stands at the pulpit. He puts on a good front for the parishioners. It’s convincing. He delivers a sermon.

 **INT. CHURCH - LATER  
**The Priest is visiting with CONGREGANTS after mass. JAKE approaches, carrying his bassoon.

 **PRIEST  
**Jake! An excellent performance today, as ever. How are you?

 **JAKE  
**(cheerful)  
Good.

Priest is about to say more to Jake but is interrupted by MARTIN.

 **MARTIN  
**(overly enthusiastic)  
There you are! My son. My son!

 **PRIEST  
**Martin. Haven’t seen you in a while. Doing alright?

Martin is startled to be addressed by the Priest. He seems almost fearful of him.

 **MARTIN  
**(polite, cautious)  
Doing alright, thank you. And yourself?

 **PRIEST  
**Can’t complain.

A weird beat passes.

Something happened between the two men, but what? There is a lot of tension. Jake appears oblivious.

PAM appears with MATHILDA. Pam taps the Priest on the shoulder to get his attention. She’s just the right amount of reckless.

 **PAM  
**Father! This is Mathilda.

The Priest extends his hand.

 **PRIEST  
**Ah! Mathilda! Yes, yes. It’s good to finally meet you.

 **MATHILDA  
**The pleasure is all mine, Father. Pam has told me so much about you.

 **PRIEST  
**All good things, I hope! This is Martin and his son, Jake. Jake’s our bassoon star in the youthy band!

Martin, Jake and Mathilda exchange false pleasantries.

 **MATHILDA  
**Such a lovely sermon today, Father. It was so nice to have a spot of light on this terrible morning.

 **PRIEST  
**What’s happened, if you don’t mind my asking?

 **MATHILDA  
**Oh! You didn’t hear? There was an explosion on 29th and Baker early this morning. Just dreadful.

 **PAM  
**Oh, I heard about that.

 **PRIEST  
**29th and Baker?

 **MATHILDA  
**That’s right. Half the block went up in flames, apparently.

 **PRIEST  
**(shakily)  
Half the block?

 **PAM  
**Six dead, last I heard.

 **MARTIN  
**Shit.

The Priest looks like he is about to pass out. He looks at Martin, who is shaken and staring back at him. Jake is concerned, looking at his father.

 **JAKE  
**Is that…?

 **MATHILDA  
**Are you alright, Father? 

**PRIEST  
**Yes, yes… Yes. I’m sorry. I’ve just got to… Pam, you’ll be able to handle things from here?

The Priest turns and runs out of the church, not caring in the slightest about Pam’s answer.

Martin, Jake, Pam and Mathilda stare after him.

 **EXT. STREETS OF LONDON - DAY  
**Back where we started. We see the Priest running as fast as he can through the streets of London. 

**EXT. HILARY’S CAFÉ - DAY  
**There are tons of police cars and fire engines swarming the block. The fire is out, but the ruins are smoldering. The Priest runs up to an OFFICER.

 **OFFICER  
**Sir, you have to stay back.

 **PRIEST  
**(out of breath)  
Please, please, I know someone… 

**OFFICER  
**The injured have been taken to Kaiser Hospital.

The Priest takes off running again.

 **EXT. HOSPITAL - DAY  
**The Priest comes flying around the corner. He’s breathing heavily. He looks around, lost.

 **CLAIRE (O.S.)  
**Hey!

CLAIRE approaches. She is impeccably dressed and looks emotionally constipated.

 **PRIEST  
**Claire! Thank Christ. Is she…?

 **CLAIRE  
**She’s alive.

Claire stares at the Priest for a moment, deciding.

Beat.

 **CLAIRE  
**Right. Come along.

The Priest and Claire walk into the hospital together.

 **INT. HOSPITAL. FLEABAG’S ROOM - DAY  
**FLEABAG is covered in plaster and is hooked up to lots of machines. She is unconscious and bloody. She has a large bandage wrapped around her head.

The Priest looks faint.

 **CLAIRE  
**She’s already been in surgery for her leg and foot, but she’s just not…  
(beat) **  
** They think she was hit in the head, by a beam or something. It knocked her out and she…  
(her voice breaks)  
They… They don’t know if she’ll…

Claire grits her teeth. She can barely make it through this without crying.

 **CLAIRE  
**She might die.

Claire takes a moment to arrange her emotions. She distracts herself with setting down the big bag. The Priest can’t take his eyes off Fleabag.

 **CLAIRE  
**(sudden, blunt) **  
** Why are you here?

 **PRIEST  
**I-

 **CLAIRE  
**You broke her fucking heart, you know.

 **PRIEST  
**I know.

 **CLAIRE  
**You shouldn’t be here.

 **PRIEST  
**I know.

 **CLAIRE  
**If she wakes up and sees you here… 

**PRIEST  
**I know.

Beat. Claire gives the Priest a suspicious look. 

**CLAIRE  
**You’re sweating.

 **PRIEST  
**I ran here.

Beat. Claire stares pointedly at his vestments.

 **PRIEST  
**From the church.  
(beat)  
Actually, I ran to the café first, then I ran here.

Claire stares at him for a moment before settling into one of the chairs. She busies herself with looking at her phone. She’s allowing him to stay. The Priest quickly takes a seat. 

Beat.

The Priest is sweating profusely and still trying to catch his breath. He tugs at his collar for a moment before becoming frustrated and yanking the whole vestment off.

He’s sat in just his undershirt and lazy trousers. The vestments lay in a pile on his lap.

Claire sneaks a few peeks.

They sit in silence until the door opens to reveal a NURSE. He catches sight of the sweaty, heavily-breathing Priest and stoic Claire. He eyes the pile of vestments for a moment before looking back at Claire.

 **NURSE  
**Only immediate family allowed in here.

 **CLAIRE  
**(not skipping a beat)  
He is immediate family.

Claire and the nurse hold eye contact. Claire is terrifying. The nurse backs down. He checks a few monitors, then disappears again. 

The Priest turns to Claire.

 **PRIEST  
**Thanks for that.

Claire gives a little noncommittal grunt. 

**PRIEST  
**Where’re your father and stepmother?

 **CLAIRE  
**(exhausted)  
France. I’ve not been able to get hold of them.

 **PRIEST  
**Fucking hell…

Beat.

 **PRIEST  
**Would you like me to try ringing them?

 **CLAIRE  
**(offended) **  
** I’ve got it handled, thanks. I can handle it. 

**PRIEST  
**Of course.

 **CLAIRE  
**I can handle it.

 **INT. HOSPITAL - DAY  
**Montage of things going on at the hospital: Fleabag’s bed being wheeled in and out as she goes for scans and tests; the Priest and Claire in Fleabag’s hospital room; the Priest walking down the hospital hall; Claire tending to Fleabag; etc.

The Priest is careful to never get close to Fleabag. He keeps to the edges of the room.

 **INT. HOSPITAL. FLEABAG’S ROOM - DAY  
**Claire comes in from the hall, tucking her phone back in her handbag. The Priest looks up from where he is sat in the corner of the room.

 **PRIEST  
**What was that about?

 **CLAIRE**  
It was the police. They “recommend” I stop by and clear out the café. 

**PRIEST  
**Awfully fast.

Claire is fiddling with her bag.

 **CLAIRE  
**Yes. 

**PRIEST**  
I can come with you, if you’d like.   
(beat)  
Or I can stay here with her…

Claire glares at him.

 **CUT TO: EXT. HILARY’S CAFÉ - DAY  
**Claire and Priest are walking towards the husk of the café. The fires have been extinguished and the police are gone. The front wall of the café is missing. 

**CLAIRE  
**I don’t understand why we have to do this now.

 **PRIEST**  
They’re probably worried about the building collapsing all the way and destroying what possessions are left. Or looters. Better safe than sorry, I suppose.

Claire glares at him.

 **INT. HILARY’S CAFÉ - DAY  
**The café is an absolute disaster. Most of the tables and chairs are broken and shattered glass is everywhere. One of the side walls has completely crumbled. Claire and the Priest walk carefully through, both shocked.

 **PRIEST  
**It’s amazing she survived this.

 **CLAIRE**  
Yes.

They see a large pool of dried blood on the floor. They both stop to stare at it.

Beat.

They move on.

The Priest picks up a ceramic guinea pig. 

**PRIEST  
**So… We’re just supposed to grab whatever’s valuable?

 **CLAIRE  
**Yes. I’m going to try to find where she keeps her finances. 

Claire disappears into the back. The Priest looks around. He picks up a few more trinkets and collects them in a little basket not destroyed in the explosion. 

He finds a framed picture of Fleabag and Claire from when they were children. The glass is scratched, but not too badly. He adds it to the basket.

He picks up a framed picture of Fleabag and Boo off the floor. The frame is mangled. Fleabag is looking at the camera and laughing. The Priest smiles at it for a moment. 

His gaze shifts to a tea tin lying on the ground, partially covered by rubble. He picks it up.

The Priest lets out a little gasp of disbelief.

We hear Claire’s footsteps in the back room. The Priest quickly stuffs the tin in his coat pocket and gets back to collecting valuable things.

Claire returns, arms full of files, and starts rifling through things at the register. The Priest catches sight of Hilary’s hutch, now full of small plush guinea pigs. He points at the hutch.

 **PRIEST  
**No more Hilary?

 **CLAIRE  
**No. She finally died a few months back. Poor old thing.

The Priest looks deeply saddened by this.

 **CLAIRE CONT’D  
**She had a hamster in there for a while, but she didn’t last long.

 **PRIEST  
**Oh, that’s too bad. 

They pick up a few more things and move to leave. They pause in the doorway for a beat before exiting.

 **INT. HOSPITAL. FLEABAG’S ROOM - NIGHT  
**Claire and the Priest are back with Fleabag. The Priest is lost in thought across the room. Claire is asleep with her head on Fleabag’s mattress. She is still holding Fleabag’s hand. The Priest watches them. 

A NURSE sticks her head in the door. Seeing Claire asleep, she lowers her voice. 

**NURSE  
**Visiting hours will be over in forty minutes.

The Priest nods kindly and the nurse leaves.

The Priest stands and makes his way over to Claire. He sets the picture of her and Fleabag beside Claire, being careful not to wake her. He gives Fleabag one last look before backing away silently.

 **INT. PRIEST’S BEDROOM - NIGHT  
**The Priest has just arrived home. He throws his precious robes on the floor and slumps against the back of the closed door. He slides to the floor with his head in his hands. He is an absolute wreck.

 **FLEABAG (O.S.)  
**So, what’s God’s plan for you?

 **INT. FLASHBACK, PRIEST’S HOUSE. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT  
**Priest sits with Fleabag in the drab living room. 

**PRIEST**  
I believe God meant for me to love people in a different way. I believe I am meant to love as a father.

 **FLEABAG**  
We can arrange that.

 **PRIEST**  
A father of many.

 **FLEABAG**  
I’ll go up to three.

 **PRIEST**  
(laughs)  
Not going to happen.

 **FLEABAG**  
Two then.

 **PRIEST**  
Ok, two.

They smile. 

**INT. PRIEST’S BEDROOM - NIGHT - CONT.  
**There is a loud scratching and yelping noise that makes the Priest jump and jerk out of his flashback. He moves to the window, opens it and looks out. A bright-eyed fox looks up at him. 

The Priest turns and looks over his shoulder, right at us.

 **PRIEST  
** (to camera)  
Fuck.

**END OF EPISODE 1**


	2. Episode 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who read, kudos-ed and/or left a comment on Episode 1. I appreciate you all so much! Onto Episode 2!

**INT. HOSPITAL. FLEABAG’S ROOM - DAY  
**We see the Priest with his head bowed, praying. He is standing at the foot of Fleabag’s bed. He opens his eyes and looks down at her.

 **FLEABAG (O.S.)  
**You really think there’s a next life?

 **EXT. FLASHBACK, NOISY STREET IN CENTRAL LONDON - DAY  
**Fleabag and the Priest are walking down the road, they’ve just come from the clerical shop.

 **PRIEST  
**What do you believe? Worm food?

She nods.

 **PRIEST  
**Why?!

 **FLEABAG  
**Why what?

 **PRIEST  
**Why would you believe in something awful when you can believe in something WONDERFUL!

 **FLEABAG  
**(laughing)  
Don’t make me an optimist, you will ruin my life!

 **INT. HOSPITAL. FLEABAG’S ROOM - DAY - CONT.  
**The Priest glances at the camera, irritated, then looks back at Fleabag, naked pain on his face.

Beat.

Claire makes more noise than necessary as she enters the room. She’s carrying two coffees. The Priest jumps back and covers his expression, but it is obvious she saw.

 **CLAIRE  
**I wasn’t sure you’d be here.

The Priest shrugs. 

Claire hands him a coffee. He smiles.

 **PRIEST  
**Yet you brought me a coffee?

Claire doesn’t answer. They sip their drinks in silence.

 **CLAIRE  
**How is she?

 **PRIEST  
**Same as last night, I think. One of the nurses must’ve washed her off a bit. She looks more like herself.

Beat. They look at Fleabag.

 **CLAIRE  
**I have the urge to put lipstick on her.

Claire has a look on her face that makes her look like Fleabag. The Priest laughs, surprised. Claire clears her throat - back to business.

 **CLAIRE  
**I managed to get in touch with my father. They’ll be here tomorrow evening.

 **PRIEST  
**No flights sooner?

 **CLAIRE  
**Apparently my godmother doesn’t want to miss an art show.

 **PRIEST  
**Fucking hell…

Beat.

 **PRIEST  
**Is there… anyone else we should call for her?

 **EXT. FLASHBACK, STREETS OF LONDON - NIGHT  
**The Priest sees Fleabag through the window of a restaurant, obviously on a date with a MAN. Fleabag is unaware of his presence.

The man feeds her a bite of pasta from his fork, most of which falls onto her lap. She laughs. He kisses her hand in apology.

The Priest looks like he’s been slapped. He hastily turns and walks the other way.

 **INT. HOSPITAL. FLEABAG’S ROOM - CONT.  
**The Priest looks at the camera. He looks away guiltily.

 **CLAIRE**  
No.

Beat.

 **CLAIRE**  
She’s not seeing anyone, if that’s what you’re asking.

 **PRIEST**  
Oh.

The Priest looks down at his hands. We can’t quite make out his expression.

He looks up as a thought occurs to him.

 **PRIEST  
**Hey, aren’t you supposed to be in Finland?

 **CLAIRE  
**Aren’t you supposed to be in church?

Fair enough.

Beat.

 **CLAIRE  
**I was in town to finalize the divorce.

 **PRIEST  
**Oh, right. Yeah.

 **CLAIRE  
**(surprised)  
You knew?

 **PRIEST**  
Erm…

The Priest’s eyes dart to the camera.

 **CUT TO: INT. FLASHBACK, CHURCH - DAY  
**Soaring choral music plays. We can’t hear what is being said.

Martin is yelling and gesturing grandly. He gets all up in the Priest’s face. The Priest is furious.

 **CUT TO: INT. HOSPITAL. FLEABAG’S ROOM - DAY - CONT.  
**The Priest looks at the camera. His expression is almost mischievous - that was not an unpleasant memory. He turns back to Claire.

 **PRIEST  
**(casual) **  
** Martin mentioned it.

 **CLAIRE**  
Martin?

The Priest nods.

Claire is surprised but decides not to linger on the subject.

 **CLAIRE  
**Oh. Well. I’ll be in Finland permanently now that it’s settled.

 **PRIEST  
**I’d say I was sorry, but… 

Claire makes a face in agreement, then looks at Fleabag.

 **CLAIRE  
**How is Jake?

 **PRIEST**  
He’s good, I think. I won’t claim to know him well, exactly, but he seems… lighter.

Claire nods. She’s still looking at Fleabag.

 **CLAIRE**  
That’s good.

 **PRIEST  
**I’ve heard he’s got a girlfriend.

 **CLAIRE  
**Mmm.

Beat.

The Priest looks at Fleabag. She looks very small.

 **CLAIRE  
**I don’t know if I can leave her. She doesn’t have anyone else.

 **PRIEST  
**I’m sure that’s not true.

Claire looks at him. 

**CLAIRE  
**It is.

The Priest has nothing to say to that. 

Beat. 

Claire’s phone stars buzzing.

 **CLAIRE  
**Shit.  
(to Priest)  
This is important. I’ll be five minutes.  
(threatening)  
Don’t leave her.

 **PRIEST  
**I won’t.

 **CLAIRE  
**Five minutes. ****

 **INT. HOSPITAL. FLEABAG’S ROOM - LATER  
**DOCTOR PATEL is just about to give an update when Claire comes bustling back in. 

Doctor Patel gives a grim update. Fleabag’s condition is not improving. Doctor Patel exits, leaving a stunned Claire and Priest in her wake.

Beat.

Claire starts typing frantically on her phone.

 **CLAIRE  
**Right. I’m going to take emergency leave from work. I’ve got quite a lot of time built up. They can manage without me for a bit.

 **PRIEST  
**I… I need to call Pam. 

Claire turns to the Priest.

 **CLAIRE  
**(fierce)  
I don’t need you here. I can handle this on my own.

 **PRIEST  
**I never said you couldn’t. 

They stare at each other. 

**CUT TO: INT. HOSPITAL. HALL - DAY  
**The Priest is on the phone.

 **PRIEST  
**Pam! Hi. Yes. Well, actually… Actually it’s not great. My friend is… Yeah. It’s, erm… I’m going to need to cancel… Yes, everything but mass. I can still do mass. If you could cover… Yes, yes that would be excellent. Thank you, Pam. Thank you.

 **INT. FLEABAG’S HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY  
**The Priest re-enters the room. Claire is typing on her mobile. He sinks down into the seat beside her. He is still stunned.

 **CLAIRE  
**What did you tell her?

 **PRIEST  
**Sorry?

 **CLAIRE  
**Pam. What did you tell her?

 **PRIEST  
**Oh. Just… that I’ve got a friend in hospital.

 **CLAIRE  
**She’s your friend, then? My sister. 

**EXT. FLASHBACK, BUS STOP - NIGHT  
**Flashback to the Priest sat beside Fleabag at the bus stop. She looks at him.

He takes her hand.

 **INT. HOSPITAL. FLEABAG’S ROOM - DAY - CONT.  
**The Priest looks at the camera for a second before putting his head in his hands. 

**PRIEST  
**I don’t know.

 **CLAIRE  
**Why are you here?

Beat. The Priest looks up, an anguished expression on his face.

 **PRIEST**  
Please, let’s not do this now.

They both look at Fleabag. Claire softens.

 **PRIEST  
**If you want me to leave -

 **CLAIRE  
**No. 

The Priest relaxes a little.

 **PRIEST  
**Alright.

They go back to sitting in silence and not looking at each other.

 **INT. HOSPITAL. FLEABAG’S ROOM - LATER  
**Claire and the Priest are sitting much as they were before. Claire stands. 

**CLAIRE  
**I’ve got to make a call. I’ll be back in a moment.

Claire exits. She shuts the door. Her handbag topples off the edge of the chair she’d left it on. The contents spill out. 

The Priest looks mildly panicked for a moment. He ultimately decides to tidy it up for her. 

Claire’s bag is as neat as you would expect, aside from a few crumpled tissues. The Priest easily slides everything back in. He notices the framed picture that he’d left the night before tucked in her purse. He smiles to himself.

 **INT. FLEABAG’S HOSPITAL ROOM - EVENING  
**A day has passed. DAD and GODMOTHER have just arrived from France.

Godmother is carrying on. She is upset to have missed the drama of the explosion, yet she is delighted to have seen a special art exhibit no one else cares about. She alternates between boasting and being overly affectionate to the unconscious Fleabag. Dad looks exhausted and traumatized by the whole affair.

Godmother is so caught up in retelling the not-dramatic story of booking plane tickets to Claire and Doctor Patel that she has failed to notice the Priest’s presence along the room’s back wall.

The Priest is watching the scene, detached.

 **INT. FLASHBACK, RESTAURANT - NIGHT  
**Everyone has stood up from the table. Fleabag is in the bathroom. RESTAURANT STAFF are clearing the table. The Priest is holding Fleabag’s coat and purse, looking confused.

Claire and Martin are arguing quietly nearby. Martin has a napkin wadded up and stuffed in his nose.

The Priest approaches.

 **PRIEST  
**Claire…?

Claire and Martin are displeased to be interrupted.

The Priest holds out Fleabag’s things. Claire doesn’t move to take them.

 **CLAIRE  
**Yes, she’ll be out in a minute.  
(to Martin, firm)  
I’m leaving now.

Claire turns on her heel and marches out. Martin stares after her for a moment before walking off in a different direction. He kicks at a coatrack as he goes but misses, which only serves to make him angrier. He disappears out a different door.

The Priest looks mildly astonished.

Godmother and Dad approach.

 **GODMOTHER**  
I feel I must apologize on behalf of my errant goddaughter. I just don’t know what comes over her.

The Priest smiles.

 **PRIEST**  
No, really. It’s perfectly fine. Do you want…?

He offers Fleabag’s things. Godmother pretends not to see and kisses him on the cheek.

 **GODMOTHER**  
You’re such a dear. See you soon, Father.

 **PRIEST  
**Do you think someone should maybe stay or…?

Dad and Godmother ignore him, though Dad looks a little sad.

The Priest is left alone, holding Fleabag’s things. He looks around for a moment. The heartlessness of Fleabag’s family stuns him.

 **PRIEST  
**(to self, softly)  
Jesus Christ…

The Priest bites his lip, thinking. We can tell he is arguing with himself.

 **PRIEST  
**(to self)  
Fuck it.

He grabs a pen and napkin from a table and scribbles down his address as fast as he can, as though he’ll change his mind if he doesn’t do it quickly.

He goes to the bathroom door. He knocks and opens his mouth to speak.

 **CUT TO: INT. HOSPITAL. FLEABAG’S ROOM - CONT.  
**The Priest grimaces at the camera. 

Claire extricates herself from Godmother’s conversation and moves to stand beside the Priest. They stand together, watching as Doctor Patel finally manages to steer the conversation to Fleabag’s dire medical condition.

Godmother repeatedly interrupts Doctor Patel to interject her own (wrong) theories on her goddaughter’s condition. Doctor Patel is struggling to remain patient.

 **CLAIRE  
**(murmuring)  
God, I need air.

 **CUT TO: EXT. HOSPITAL CARPARK - EVENING  
**Claire and the Priest are sat on flimsy chairs. There is one empty seat between them.

Claire holds out a pack of cigarettes. The Priest takes one, surprised. Claire takes one as well, lighting it before tossing the lighter to the Priest.

 **PRIEST  
**I didn’t know you smoked.

 **CLAIRE  
**I don’t.

Claire exhales deeply, staring into the distance.

 **CLAIRE  
**They’re hers.

The Priest looks to camera.

 **EXT. FLASHBACK, BACK OF RESTAURANT - NIGHT  
**Fleabag is leaning against the brick wall, smoking.

The Priest appears.

 **PRIEST  
**Fellow smoker.

She smiles.

 **EXT. HOSPITAL CARPARK - EVENING - CONT.  
**The Priest looks down. They smoke in silence for a while. 

Claire turns to look at the Priest.

 **CLAIRE  
**(not unkindly)  
You never asked if there were any other people hurt in the café.

The Priest chuckles darkly, not looking at Claire. Fleabag is all he cares about.

Claire looks away. 

**PRIEST  
**(smiling, self-deprecating) **  
** God, I am an awful priest, aren’t I?

He turns to look at her. Claire finally smiles.

 **CLAIRE  
**Yes, I suppose you are.

Beat.

 **CLAIRE CONT’D  
**It’s why she likes you so much.

Claire looks at the Priest. They make eye contact. He is heartbroken. She doesn’t acknowledge it. They both look away.

Beat.

 **PRIEST  
**_Was_ anyone else hurt in the café?

 **CLAIRE  
**No. Just her.

They continue smoking in silence.

 **INT. FLEABAG’S HOSPITAL ROOM - EVENING  
**Claire and the Priest re-enter the hospital room. It’s just Dad and Godmother in the room. Neither seems to really know what to do. 

**GODMOTHER  
**(overly delighted to see the Priest) **  
** Father! Oh, what a surprise to see you! What are you doing here? Visiting a friend? Here to support the family?

Godmother gives the Priest a quick, too-tight hug.

 **GODMOTHER**  
You really are a dear, aren’t you?  
(to Dad)  
Isn’t he a dear, darling?

Dad sort of nods. His eyes are on Fleabag. Claire moves to stand beside him as Godmother inches closer to the Priest.

The Priest smiles politely.

 **GODMOTHER  
**Dreadful about my darling goddaughter, isn’t it? Just dreadful. Such terrible news.

 **PRIEST  
**Yes. It’s quite a shock.

Godmother puts her hand on the Priest’s arm.

 **GODMOTHER  
**I’m so shaken I feel I can barely stand.

The Priest looks at Godmother - she doesn’t look unstable in the slightest. She continues clinging to his arm.

 **GODMOTHER CONT’D**  
Have you seen her little café? I saw the block on the news. Just dreadful.

 **PRIEST  
**Claire and I went by a couple days ago, actually. It’s-

 **GODMOTHER  
**(surprised)  
Did you really?

 **PRIEST  
**Yeah. The authorities-

 **GODMOTHER  
**I can’t say I’m surprised, you know. That building was held together with little more than mud and saliva.

 **PRIEST**  
I’m not sure-

 **GODMOTHER  
**You know, cafés really are a dying business.

 **INT. FLASHBACK, RESTAURANT - NIGHT  
**Martin is talking loudly about a former-lesbian he dated in college. Fleabag has just excused herself from the table.

 **MARTIN  
**First man she’d ever been with and…  
(cocky chuckles)  
Well, the rest just speaks for itself!

Godmother leans over to speak quietly to the Priest.

 **GODMOTHER  
**You’ll have to excuse my goddaughter. She’s rather…

Godmother makes a face. She turns back to the table, engrossed in Martin’s lesbian story. The Priest ponders Godmother’s aside. He looks in the direction Fleabag disappeared, curious.

 **INT. HOSPITAL. FLEABAG’S ROOM - EVENING - CONT.  
**The Priest looks at the camera. He can’t cope. 

**CUT TO: INT. HOSPITAL TOILET - DUSK  
**The Priest is splashing water on his face. He looks at his reflection in the mirror.

 **INT. FLASHBACK, FLEABAG’S BATHROOM - MORNING  
**The Priest is facing the sink, looking at his reflection in the mirror in the same position as the previous scene. Fleabag comes up and hugs him tentatively from behind. He leans in to her touch. They are happy. 

**INT. HOSPITAL TOILET - EVENING - CONT.  
**The Priest looks at the camera through the reflection in the mirror. He is exhausted and full of gentle loathing.

The Priest straightens. A strange feeling has come over him. He looks around suspiciously. He moves to the window, peeking out. We can see a fox looking up at the hospital, right at the Priest.

The Priest is instantly alert. He gives the camera a quick panicked look, then rushes out of the room.

 **INT. HOSPITAL. FLEABAG’S ROOM - NIGHT  
**Dad and Godmother are in the process of leaving. Dad is worn out. Godmother has lots of questions about why the Priest is staying.

The Priest escorts them out, gracefully deflecting Godmother’s questions and giving her a kiss on the cheek, which she adores. When he has shut the door behind them, the Priest leans against the wall, pinching the bridge of his nose.

 **PRIEST  
**Thank God that’s over with.

 **INT. FLASHBACK, FLEABAG’S FLAT - NIGHT  
**We get a very brief glimpse of Fleabag in bed, laughing. 

**INT. HOSPITAL. FLEABAG’S ROOM - NIGHT - CONT.  
**The Priest forces his eyes open. He looks at the camera but looks away quickly. He can’t think about that right now.

 **PRIEST  
**Your godmother said that she’d be back first thing tomorrow morning, which hopefully isn’t true, but if it is, I think it would be smart to-

Claire makes a strange little whimper-y noise. She is sat at Fleabag’s bedside. 

**PRIEST  
**Claire?

The Priest moves to stand by her. He places a hand cautiously on her shoulder.

 **PRIEST  
**Are you-

Claire launches herself into the Priest’s arms, sobbing.

The Priest is stunned at first, but recovers quickly and holds her tight. He looks over her shoulder at Fleabag, then to the camera.

The Priest scrunches his eyes shut and leans his head against Claire’s.

Beat.

Claire extricates herself from him gently. They look at each other. She is glad he is there.

**END OF EPISODE 2**


	3. Episode 3

**INT. HOSPITAL. FLEABAG’S ROOM - DAY  
**Godmother, Claire, the Priest and Dad are all in the room. Godmother is talking animatedly to the Priest and Claire.

 **GODMOTHER  
**(laughing charmingly)  
I just don’t know what to do with all this newfound fame!

Claire and the Priest exchange a look.

 **CUT TO: EXT. HOSPITAL. CARPARK - DAY  
**Claire and the Priest are smoking Fleabag’s cigarettes. They’re sitting on the same flimsy chairs as before, one seat between them.

 **INT. HOSPITAL. FLEABAG’S ROOM - DAY  
**A new day. Godmother, Claire, the Priest and Dad are all in the room.

Godmother puts her hand on the Priest’s arm.

 **GODMOTHER  
**(deadly serious) **  
** I have been blessed with the perfect body.

 **CUT TO: EXT. HOSPITAL. CARPARK - DAY  
**The Priest and Claire are smoking, one seat between them. Claire lights the Priest’s cigarette for him.

 **INT. HOSPITAL. FLEABAG’S ROOM - DAY  
**A new day.

 **GODMOTHER  
**If anything, my sex drive has actually _increased_ with age!

 **CUT TO: EXT. HOSPITAL. CARPARK - DAY  
**The Priest and Claire are smoking. They’re sitting side by side.

 **INT. HOSPITAL. FLEABAG’S ROOM - DAY  
**A new day.

 **GODMOTHER  
**(quietly to Priest while looking at Fleabag)  
Fluorescent lighting really doesn’t do her any favors, does it?

 **CUT TO: EXT. HOSPITAL. CARPARK - DAY  
**The Priest and Claire are smoking, sitting side by side again.

 **PRIEST  
**(half angry, half amused) **  
** God, how can you stand her?!

 **CLAIRE**  
Years of practice.

 **PRIEST**  
I’m so sorry.

Claire smirks. She puts out her cigarette. She knocks the Priest’s knee with her own.

 **CLAIRE**  
Come on.

She stands. The Priest lingers, watching Claire as she moves toward the hospital. We hear a rustling in the bushes. The Priest looks to the camera, frightened, before hurrying after Claire. ****

 **INT. HOSPITAL. FLEABAG’S ROOM - DAY  
**Claire, the Priest, Dad and Godmother are all stood around Doctor Patel.

 **DOCTOR PATEL  
**I’m afraid things are not heading in the direction we’d hoped. Her condition is steadily declining, and she is not responding to the medication in the way that we’d hoped. I just wanted to prepare you for the possibility that, if things continue to trend in the direction they are currently, she will pass in the coming days.

Godmother lets out an outlandish wail and throws herself into a chair. Dad puts his head in his hands. Claire sags, her phone clattering to the floor. The Priest reaches out, catching Claire and moving her to sit on the edge of Fleabag’s bed.

The Priest is the only one who remains standing.

 **PRIEST  
**What is the likelihood that her condition will improve?

 **DOCTOR PATEL  
**Anything could happen, but the odds of her recovering at this stage are slim.

Godmother wails again. Everyone hates her.

 **EXT. HOSPITAL. CARPARK - EVENING  
**The Priest exits the hospital and sees Dad crying softly. He approaches.

The two men stand side by side, leaning against the side of the hospital. Dad tries to hide his tears at first, but gives up quickly.

 **DAD  
**You know, I’m not… I’m no… It’s…

Beat.

 **DAD  
**Claire I could… I could understand Claire. She makes sense to me, but… but…  
(beat) **  
** Now Margaret, she knew. She knew how to make sense of the world. Emotions, words, feelings… And I… I…   
(beat)  
She is so like Margaret. _So_ like her. I pushed her away after she died, you know. I could hardly stand to be around her. To look at her. Even now…

 **DAD**  
(to Priest, sudden)  
Was I good to her? Did I… Did I fail her?

 **PRIEST**  
I don’t think I can answer that question.

Dad nods. His body is heavy with guilt.

 **PRIEST  
**I do know, generally speaking, that the people who worry about being good parents tend to be the ones who did an alright job of it. Parents that don’t doubt themselves, that don’t care…

The Priest lets out a little sardonic chuckle. He is speaking from experience.

 **PRIEST CONT’D**  
Well, it speaks for itself.

Beat. Dad turns to the Priest.

 **DAD**  
I don’t want her to die.

 **PRIEST**  
Neither do I.

Dad smiles sadly and puts his hand on the Priest’s shoulder.

 **DAD  
**(fatherly)  
I know.

Dad leaves. The Priest looks after him, confused. What does that mean?

A fox appears and makes the Priest jump. He looks at the camera, exasperated, then turns and hurries back inside the hospital.

 **EXT. CHURCH - MORNING  
**Establisher shot.

 **INT. CHURCH - MORNING  
**The Priest is stood at the pulpit looking drained.

 **PRIEST  
**Thank you all so much for your kind thoughts, prayers and patience in this last week. As most of you probably know, I have had to cancel and postpone a lot of appointments in favor of handling some personal matters. Your kindness and understanding have made all the difference to me this week, and I will be forever grateful.

Beat.

 **PRIEST  
**You know, I think a lot of people forget that we are all human. Or at least I do. Doctors, businesspeople, maintenance workers, servers, solicitors… even priests. We have feelings, troubles, vices. We hate. We love. We get things right. We get things wrong…   
(beat) **  
** I just wanted to thank you all for your compassion. For not letting me forget that I am human. For forgiving my mistakes. For giving me grace.  
(beat)  
A friend of mine was injured in the explosion on 29th and Baker. Her condition is… Well, it’s not good. 

Beat. The Priest tries to get a grip on his emotions. Sympathetic murmurs sound throughout the church. We can see Godmother in attendance, sat beside some ARTSY PEOPLE, her friends. She is putting on a fantastic show of being distraught.

 **PRIEST CONT’D  
**So much is out of my control, but what I can control are my actions. The energy that I put out into the world. The messages that I send to God. I believe that all of that positive energy out there does make a difference - and I know that a lot of you do too. And that is the message I want you to take away from this sermon today. Put good out into the world. Put out as much good as you possibly can, because you never know…

Beat. The Priest looks out at his congregants, smiling and emotional. His eyes land one one particular pew.

 **CUT TO: INT.** **FLASHBACK, CHURCH - DAY  
**Fleabag is standing, having just misspoken, by the pew the Priest had been looking at before flashback.

The Priest and Fleabag hold eye contact for a second.

He smiles.

She smiles back.

 **CUT TO: INT. CHURCH - MORNING - CONT.  
**The Priest gives the camera a quick glance before looking back out to his congregants.

 **PRIEST  
**You just never know.  
(beat)  
Thank you, all of you, for being here with me today. Let us pray.

 **INT. HOSPITAL. FLEABAG’S ROOM - DAY  
**Claire is sitting beside Fleabag, scrolling on her phone. She looks up when the Priest enters. 

**CLAIRE  
**How was it?

 **PRIEST  
**About how you’d expect. Your Godmother was in attendance.

Claire makes a face. The Priest looks at Fleabag.

 **PRIEST  
**How is she?

 **CLAIRE  
**No change. 

Beat.

 **CLAIRE  
**(awkward) **  
** I was thinking of going out for lunch today. Would you care to join me?

 **PRIEST  
**(rightfully suspicious) **  
** Why?

 **CLAIRE  
**(defensive) **  
** Just… thought I might fancy the company.

 **PRIEST  
**Sorry, sorry. I’m being paranoid. Mass was a bit…

 **CUT TO: INT. FLASHBACK, CHURCH - DAY  
**Fleabag grins at the Priest standing at the pulpit. 

**CUT TO: INT. HOSPITAL. FLEABAG'S ROOM - DAY - CONT.  
**The Priest glances quickly at the camera, then back to Claire.

 **PRIEST CONT'D**  
Yes. Yes! I’d love to. Let me -

He is interrupted by his phone ringing. He looks at Claire. Claire leans to peer at his phone screen.

 **CLAIRE  
**Why is she calling you?

 **PRIEST  
**No idea.

 **INT. HOSPITAL. HALL - DAY  
**The Priest answers the phone. He starts walking idly down the hall as he chats. 

**GODMOTHER (O.S.)  
**Father! Where are you now?

 **PRIEST  
**I’m, er, I’m at the hospital.

 **GODMOTHER (O.S.)  
**(genuinely surprised and perplexed) **  
** Oh.  
(she recovers quickly)  
Oh, aren’t you just a dear? I heard your sermon this morning - absolutely wonderful.

 **PRIEST  
**I’m glad to hear that.

 **GODMOTHER (O.S.)  
**I had hoped to speak to you in person after the sermon, but you were out of there faster than my Japanese sexhibition tickets sold out! And that is saying something.

The Priest makes a face. What kind of a saying is that?

 **PRIEST  
**Ahh.

 **GODMOTHER (O.S.)  
**You know, I had no idea what an _empath_ you were, Father. To be able to feel those emotions so keenly for practically a _stranger_ …

The Priest looks uncomfortable.

 **PRIEST**  
Oh, well…

He looks to the camera.

 **INT. FLASHBACK, FLEABAG’S FLAT. BEDROOM - NIGHT  
**The Priest and Fleabag are kissing frantically as Fleabag opens the door to her bedroom. They are down to their underwear.

 **INT. HOSPITAL. HALL - DAY - CONT.  
**The Priest pauses in front of a window. He can see a fox in the hospital’s carpark, staring up at him. He gives the camera a look - _seriously? -_ and moves on quickly.

 **GODMOTHER (O.S.) CONT'D**  
…and all because of your connection to myself and my husband!

 **PRIEST**  
Erm- ****

 **GODMOTHER (O.S.)  
**Now listen Father, I don’t know what your schedule is like, but we would just love it if you could do the funeral.

The Priest stops walking suddenly, causing a few PEOPLE to bump into him. They grumble. He ignores them, pressing the phone closer to his ear.

 **PRIEST  
**Sorry, what?

 **GODMOTHER (O.S.)  
**The funeral, for my goddaughter. 

**PRIEST  
**(stunned)  
She’s still alive.

 **GODMOTHER (O.S.)  
**Well, yes, she is _now_ , darling, but she won’t be for long, and you’ve really got to get a head start on these things. I’ve already been phoning around for catering, and the florist. My goodness, they’re busy people!

 **PRIEST  
**(trying to keep calm) **  
** Erm, I don’t think-

 **GODMOTHER (O.S.)  
**Oh, I just knew you’d do it. You are such a wonderful man, Father. The way you care so much about my feelings as to care about my goddaughter. It is _so_ selfless of you. 

**PRIEST  
**I care about her.

 **GODMOTHER (O.S.)  
**Yes, yes. We’re all God’s children and all of that, but I just want to thank you. It means so much to me. And to my husband, of course. We’ll just have to have you round for dinner.

 **PRIEST  
**Erm, I really don’t feel like now is the right-

 **GODMOTHER (O.S.)  
**Lovely! I’ll book something for the day after tomorrow then, shall I? Claire will come too. We can get to planning. What do you think about-

 **PRIEST  
**No! No, I… I can’t talk right now. I’m sorry.

The Priest hangs up quickly, looking shaken. He looks at the camera.

 **INT. HOSPITAL. FLEABAG’S ROOM - DAY  
**The Priest enters. Claire looks at him, concerned.

 **CLAIRE  
**What did she-

Claire is interrupted by one of Fleabag’s machines starting to beep loudly.

Claire and Priest share a terrified look.

Suddenly, all of Fleabag’s machines start beeping. She’s flatlining. DOCTORS and NURSES come flying in, surrounding Fleabag. One of them starts CPR.

Claire and the Priest are forced out of the room by a pained-looking nurse.

 **CLAIRE & PRIEST  
**What’s happened? / What’s going on?

 **NURSE  
**I’m so sorry, but you must wait outside.

 **INT. HOSPITAL. HALLWAY - DAY  
**Claire and the Priest are stood just outside Fleabag’s room. Claire is holding his hand tightly.

A few moments later, a DOCTOR comes out to talk to Claire and the Priest.

 **DOCTOR**  
She’s stable, though I’m not sure for how long. Her body is very weak. She’s been through a lot. And a stay in hospital this long with no improvement…

 **PRIEST**  
(impatient)  
Yes, we are well aware. Is she alive?

 **DOCTOR**  
She’s alive. But I really think-

Claire and the Priest push past the Doctor and go back inside Fleabag’s room.

 **INT. HOSPITAL. FLEABAG’S ROOM - DAY  
**Claire is sitting right beside Fleabag, running her thumb across Fleabag’s brow over and over again. Fleabag is attached to even more monitors. Claire is trying very hard not to cry.

The Priest is watching Claire and Fleabag, expressionless.

 **INT. HOSPITAL. FLEABAG’S ROOM – LATER  
**The Priest and Claire are sat much as they were before. The HOSPICE NURSE knocks on the door. 

**CLAIRE  
**Come in.

The Hospice Nurse enters. She smiles at Claire and the Priest. 

**HOSPICE NURSE  
**(gently)  
Hello. I work with the Angels Agency. Doctor Patel thought that it might be good if we had a chat.

Claire straightens up in her seat. She’s anxious.

 **CLAIRE  
**(stilted) **  
** Yes. Please, come in.

The Hospice Nurse pulls up a seat across from the Priest and Claire. The Priest gives Claire a questioning look. She avoids looking at him.

 **HOSPICE NURSE  
**End of life care may sound daunting, but hospice by no means indicates that the patient has mere days or hours left in this world. In fact-

The Priest looks stunned. His voice is soft, almost childlike, when he speaks.

 **PRIEST  
**Hospice?

Claire and the Hospice Nurse both turn to look at him. Claire looks pained. 

**CLAIRE  
**I had meant to bring this up earlier, but with everything that happened this afternoon…

Claire looks at Fleabag’s new array of monitors. She takes a deep breath.

 **CLAIRE CONT’D  
**We need to start thinking about-

The Priest’s voice is stronger now. Louder.

 **PRIEST  
**What?

 **HOSPICE NURSE  
**(very gently, to Priest)  
This may be shocking…

The Priest lets out a cruel laugh. 

**PRIEST  
**You’re damn fucking right it’s shocking! She’s going to be fine.

 **HOSPICE NURSE  
**With all due respect, sir…

 **PRIEST  
**No. No. She’s not… We’re not interested. This isn’t necessary. 

**CLAIRE  
**After what happened today-

 **PRIEST  
**(pleading) **  
** You can’t give up on her, Claire. You can’t give up on her! She’s…

The Priest fumbles for words. He looks at Fleabag.

She’s not fine.

 **PRIEST  
**(to Hospice Nurse, insistent)  
She’s, she’s going to be fine. She’s going to bounce back from this. I know she will! I know her.

 **CLAIRE  
**We must think rationally about this! The reality is-

 **PRIEST  
**(angry, to Claire) **  
** The reality? You sound just like your fucking godmother, you know that? Did you know she asked me to perform your sister’s funeral today?

Claire looks stunned.

 **PRIEST CONT’D**  
Yeah. Yeah, she wants us all to get together to plan it over dinner this week. Fucking hell. You all just can’t wait until she’s gone, can you?!

Claire stands.

 **CLAIRE  
**(to Priest)  
You need to leave.

 **PRIEST**  
Claire, you can’t-

Claire glares at him. He meets her ferocity.

 **CLAIRE  
**(furious)  
LEAVE. NOW.

The Priest deflates a little. 

**PRIEST  
**Fine. Fine. Do whatever the fuck you want.

The Priest storms out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

 **CUT TO: EXT. HOSPITAL. CARPARK. - EVENING  
**It’s raining. The Priest is shaking with rage and fear. 

He leans back and intentionally hits the back of his head on the hospital wall.

 **EXT. FLASHBACK, DAD’S HOUSE. SIDE ALLEY - DAY  
**The Priest and Fleabag are standing together.

He goes to leave, then suddenly they’re kissing, passionately, up against the wall. They stop, smiling.

 **EXT. HOSPITAL. CARPARK - DUSK - CONT.  
**The Priest shakes his head almost violently back and forth to clear it. He refuses to look at the camera.

 **PRIEST (O.S.)  
**I don’t know - I don’t know - oh I don’t know what this feeling is.

 **EXT. FLASHBACK, DAD’S HOUSE. SIDE ALLEY - DAY - CONT.  
**Back in the flashback.

 **FLEABAG  
**Is it God or is it me?

 **PRIEST  
**I don’t know…  
(beat)  
I don’t know.

 **EXT. HOSPITAL. CARPARK - EVENING - CONT.  
**The Priest starts crying, hard. It’s getting darker and darker; there’s not much time left in the day.

 **PRIEST  
**(to himself)  
I don’t know… I don’t know… I don’t fucking know…

 **EXT. STREETS OF LONDON – DUSK  
**The Priest is walking home from the hospital. It’s raining, but he doesn’t care. He is less angry now. He calls Claire.

 **CLAIRE (O.S.)  
**What?

 **PRIEST  
**Claire…

 **CLAIRE (O.S.)  
**She’s not yours, alright? She’s not. You made your choice. You need to grow up and understand your place.

The Priest is stunned.

 **CLAIRE (O.S.) CONT’D  
**I don’t want you to come to the hospital anymore.

He holds the phone with both hands, desperate.

 **PRIEST  
**(heartbroken) **  
** Claire, please… I-

Claire hangs up. The Priest has stopped walking and has found himself in front of a bus stop.

 **EXT. FLASHBACK, LONDON. STREET. BUS STOP - NIGHT  
**Fleabag and the Priest are sitting at the bus stop.

 **FLEABAG  
**I love you.

 **CUT TO: EXT. STREETS OF LONDON – NIGHT – CONT.  
**The Priest avoids the camera. He takes out a cigarette from Fleabag’s pack. His hands are shaking badly. It takes him multiple tries to light the cigarette. He finally manages to light it only to drop it in a puddle. 

**PRIEST  
**FUCK!

It was the last cigarette.

He throws the empty carton down, smashing it beneath his boot. It’s the last straw. 

**INT. FLASHBACK, FLEABAG’S FLAT. BEDROOM - NIGHT  
**Shot of Fleabag laughing as the Priest curses. He’s just stubbed his toe. She holds his face in her hands and kisses him. She pulls him down onto the bed with her.

 **EXT. STREETS OF LONDON - NIGHT - CONT.   
**The Priest is cornered by the camera. He’s searching for a way out. 

**INT. FLASHBACK, FLEABAG’S FLAT. BEDROOM - NIGHT  
**Fleabag and the Priest are in bed. He is on top of her, it’s passionate.

 **EXT. STREETS OF LONDON - NIGHT - CONT.  
**The Priest looks panicked. His hands are in his hair.

 **INT. FLASHBACK, FLEABAG’S FLAT. BEDROOM - NIGHT  
**The Priest is still on top of her. Fleabag gasps, clinging to him.

 **EXT. STREETS OF LONDON - NIGHT - CONT.  
**We hear a fox yelping somewhere nearby.

The Priest looks around, frantic, before finally looking at the camera. He’s manic, bordering unhinged. 

**PRIEST  
**(to camera) **  
** GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HEAD!

The Priest puts his head in his hands and yells as loud as he can.

He notices the ruined cigarette carton on the ground. His mood changes. He picks it up and turns it around in his hands. 

He holds it close to his chest as he wanders into the night.

**END OF EPISODE 3**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As ever, thank you all so much for your continued support! Let me know what you thought <3


	4. Episode 4

**INT. FLASHBACK, FLEABAG’S FLAT. BATHROOM - MORNING  
**The Priest is facing the sink. Fleabag is hugging him gently from behind. ****

 **FLEABAG  
**Regretting last night already?

 **PRIEST**  
No.

He turns to face her.

 **PRIEST**  
Are you?

Fleabag bites her lip and shakes her head. The Priest smiles.

 **PRIEST**  
Thank Christ.

He kisses her with gusto, pushing her back against the bathroom wall. He hikes her leg over his hip.

The camera moves so we cannot see their faces, just their bodies. We can hear them breathing heavily. ****

 **INT. BUSY CLUB. BATHROOM - NIGHT  
**The same set-up but in a different location. We can hear a MAN and WOMAN having sex. We can only see their bodies. The sex is fast and lacking emotion. The woman is really into it. She moans loudly.

They finish. The camera pans up to reveal the man is the Priest. The woman is a stranger to both us and him.

The Priest drops the used condom in the bin. He looks numb. The woman is delighted.

The Priest slumps against the wall, his head at a strange angle. The woman’s back is to him as she straightens her clothes. She turns to look at him over her shoulder, but we see Fleabag instead.

 **INT. FLASHBACK, FLEABAG’S FLAT. BEDROOM - MORNING  
**Fleabag sits on the edge of her bed, scantily clad, with her back to the Priest. She is looking at him over her shoulder. She is smiling, coy.

 **CUT TO: INT. BUSY CLUB, BATHROOM - NIGHT - CONT.  
**The Priest is jolted back into the present by the woman knocking into him.

 **WOMAN  
**(giggling, drunk) **  
** Thanks for the shag, love!

She kisses the Priest sloppily and leaves. We hear a loud whoop and cheers from outside the bathroom as the woman rejoins her friends. 

The Priest is left alone in the bathroom, drunk, heartbroken and hating himself. He looks at the camera. His gaze on us lingers.

We feel uncomfortable.

 **CUT TO: INT. BUSY CLUB - LATER  
**The Priest is making his way through the crowded club. He’s getting jostled around. He’s emotionless. 

**EXT. STREETS OF LONDON - NIGHT  
**The Priest is staggering through London. He has acquired a mostly-full bottle of whiskey, which he takes lengthy sips from. He is tear stained.

We hear a fox and he takes off running, terrified.

 **EXT. STREETS OF LONDON - LATER  
**The Priest is shouting at a fox we cannot see. His eyes wander back and forth from the camera to the street, seemingly unable to discern the camera from the world around him. He sloshes whiskey on the pavement.

We hear the fox start to run. The Priest turns around and takes off running.

 **EXT. STREETS OF LONDON - DAWN  
**The Priest is still haphazardly making his way through London, walking this time. The bottle is empty. He is tear stained. 

**INT. HOSPITAL. FLEABAG’S ROOM - MORNING  
**We see the Priest shaking with sobs as he holds onto Fleabag’s hand. This is the closest he’s been to her. He’s still quite drunk and is wearing the same clothes he wore the day before. 

We don’t know how he got there.

Neither does he.

 **PRIEST  
**(to Fleabag, very softly, crying) **  
** I’m so sorry. I fucked up. I fucked up…

 **INT. FLASHBACK, HILARY’S CAFÉ - DUSK  
**The Priest is hugging Fleabag tightly. The camera is close on Fleabag. We can’t see the Priest’s face. Fleabag sniffles.

 **FLEABAG  
**(teary) **  
** What am I supposed to do with all this love I have for you?

 **INT. HOSPITAL. FLEABAG’S ROOM - MORNING - CONT.  
**The Priest reaches out a shaky hand to Fleabag’s cheek. He can’t bring himself to touch her face. He pulls his hand back.

Claire enters. The Priest looks up. She is taken aback by his state. She has never seen him like this.

They make eye contact. 

**PRIEST  
**I know - I know you said I wasn’t allowed here anymore, but I just… I needed…

Claire suddenly goes to him, pulling him to her. He wraps his arms around her middle and sobs against her. 

**CLAIRE  
**We need to get you out of here. My godmother will be here any minute and she can’t see you like this.

The Priest nods and stands up, shaky. Claire puts her arm around him to steady him. They sneak out of the room. 

**EXT. HOSPITAL - MORNING  
**Claire is dragging the Priest along.

There is rustling in a bush nearby. The Priest screams and jerks away from Claire. She barely manages to grab hold of him before he falls.

 **PRIEST  
**IT’S A FUCKING FOX!

 **CLAIRE**  
What?!

 **PRIEST**  
(nearly in tears)  
I don’t know what they want from me! They’re always there. They’re _everywhere_. Claire, the foxes…

 **CLAIRE**  
For God’s sake, COME ON.

Claire manages to haul him away, but the Priest is still terrified, looking over his shoulder at the camera.

 **INT. CLAIRE’S HOTEL ROOM - MORNING  
**Claire sits the Priest down on the bed.

 **PRIEST  
**I thought you were staying at _her_ flat. Your sister’s flat.

 **CLAIRE  
**I figured I should be closer to the hospital. 

Claire turns down the bedsheets. The Priest is staring at her.

 **INT. FLASHBACK, PRIEST’S HOUSE. LIVING ROOM - EVENING  
**The Priest is pacing. He takes a deep breath and presses a button on his phone.

We hear ringing.

 **CLAIRE (O.S.)  
**Hello?

 **PRIEST  
**Claire! Hi! I just spoke with your, er, your dad. My brother, he’s doing much better so it looks like I will be able to perform the wedding after all.

 **CLAIRE (O.S.)  
**(disappointed) **  
** Oh. Well, that’s… nice.

 **PRIEST  
**Yes! Yes…

The Priest is very anxious.

 **PRIEST  
**Listen, er, would you mind giving me your sister’s phone number? I wanted to let her know as well. I-I told your dad I’d let her know.

 **CLAIRE (O.S.)  
**Really?

 **PRIEST  
**Yeah.

Beat. The Priest looks like he’s about to explode.

 **CLAIRE (O.S.)  
**Well, you’ll never reach her this time of night. Just go to her flat.

 **PRIEST  
**What?

 **CLAIRE (O.S.)  
**She’s impossible to get hold of in the evenings. Your best bet is to just show up.

 **PRIEST  
**Are-are you sure? I don’t know if that’s-

 **CLAIRE (O.S.)  
**Do you have a pen?

 **CUT TO: INT. CLAIRE’S HOTEL ROOM - MORNING - CONT.   
**The Priest is still staring at Claire.

 **PRIEST  
**You know, you gave me the address of your sister’s flat. Do you remember that? You told me where she lived.

Claire ignores the Priest and tries to remove his jacket. He’s making it difficult.

 **PRIEST  
**I wanted to see her. Of course, I wanted to see her. But I was going to ask her by phone. Ask if she wanted to meet me in public somewhere…

 **EXT. FLASHBACK, HILARY’S CAFÉ - DAY  
**The Priest is walking past the café, walking slowly and trying to look in the windows without being creepy.

We can see Fleabag inside chatting with Claire. Claire and the Priest make eye contact. The Priest looks down and walks away quickly. Claire turns back to her oblivious sister.

 **INT. CLAIRE’S HOTEL ROOM - MORNING - CONT.  
**Claire finally manages to rid the Priest of his jacket. She continues to ignore his rambling.

 **PRIEST**  
Claire, are you a nostalgic person?

Claire is now removing the Priest’s shoes.

 **PRIEST**  
There’s this quote… from Piglet…

Claire straightens up and interrupts.

 **CLAIRE  
**Do you want to tell me what happened?

The Priest shakes his head like a disobedient toddler. He’s wobbly - the motion just about knocks him over.

 **CLAIRE  
**Right. Well, you stay here. I’ll call you in a bit. Is your phone charged?

The Priest looks down at his phone. It’s dead. 

**PRIEST  
**Oh no…

Claire rummages around in her suitcase. She pulls out a charger and hands it to him.

 **CLAIRE  
**Will that work?

He just stares at her. Claire makes a face but plugs his phone in and makes sure it’s charging. 

**CLAIRE  
**Stay away from the hospital today. And alcohol. I’ll call you when they’ve gone. Sleep.

Claire snaps off the light. The Priest lies down, closing his eyes. A few tears escape. The door clicks shut behind Claire.

 **INT. CLAIRE’S HOTEL ROOM - LATE AFTERNOON   
**The Priest is woken up by some rustling in the room.

KLARE is unpacking clothes into the chest of drawers and trying really hard to be quiet. The Priest looks at him, dishevelled and confused.

 **PRIEST  
**What…? Who’re…?

 **KLARE**  
Oh! Hello! You are awake! Yes, yes, Claire mentioned you. The priest! Oh, I am so sorry to have woke you up.

Klare walks up to the Priest. He smiles.

 **KLARE**  
My name is Klare. I am Claire’s boyfriend.

The Priest is absolutely stunned. Claire had never mentioned this. He sits up and tries to be friendly, but his head is absolutely pounding.

 **PRIEST**  
Oh! Klare? Er, hello. I’m sorry, I don’t think she ever mentioned…

Klare grins and waves him away.

 **KLARE**  
My Claire, she is very private. But you! You are the priest, yes?

 **PRIEST**  
Er, yes.

 **KLARE**  
How are you feeling? Can I get you anything?

 **PRIEST**  
Some water would be-

Klare is already dashing across the room to fill a cup for him.

 **PRIEST**  
Er, great. Thank you.

Klare beams.

 **PRIEST**  
Have you heard from Claire?

 **KLARE**  
Yes. She and her family are still at the hospital. I just returned from there.

 **PRIEST**  
How is she?

 **KLARE**  
(sympathetic)  
Nothing has changed, I think. Claire will be coming back here soon.

 **INT. CLAIRE’S HOTEL ROOM - LATER  
**The Priest and Klare are watching sports together and chatting like old friends. The Priest looks very bedraggled but has cheered up a bit.

Claire enters, carrying bags of takeaway and looking astonished to see the boys together.

 **KLARE**  
Claire! This guy - he is such a great guy! Football star!

Klare gets up and gives Claire a kiss on the cheek. He takes the takeaway bags from her and starts unpacking them.

 **CLAIRE  
**(to Priest)  
Can I speak with you?

The Priest starts to get up, but Klare interrupts.

 **KLARE**  
No. I am sorry, but no. No one is getting up until we have some food.

Klare looks at Claire, insistent. They look at each other for a moment before Claire caves. The Priest likes Klare even more.

 **CUT TO: INT. CLAIRE’S HOTEL ROOM - LATER  
**Claire, Klare and the Priest are all sat on beds, eating and watching sports. Klare and Claire on one bed, the Priest on the other. Klare is pleased; Claire is less tense; and the Priest is feeling better.

Claire stands to collect the plates, but Klare beats her to it.

 **KLARE  
**No, no. I can do this. You two go out. Go to the hospital and check on your girl.

 **CLAIRE**  
Are you-

 **KLARE**  
Of course! I am here for you. Go, go. I’ll find you later.

He kisses her chastely and all but pushes her and the Priest out the door.

 **INT. HOTEL. HALLWAY - EVENING  
**Klare waves cheerfully out the door as Claire and the Priest walk down the hall.

The Priest looks at Claire.

 **CLAIRE**  
Don’t.

The Priest smiles to himself.

 **INT. HOSPITAL. FLEABAG’S ROOM - EVENING  
**The Priest is standing near the foot of Fleabag’s bed, looking down at her. ****

 **CLAIRE**  
You can get closer to her.

The Priest looks at Claire.

 **CLAIRE**  
It’s ok.

The Priest looks at Fleabag. He slowly steps towards her until he’s standing near her head.

He sits down on the chair at her bedside and reaches out a hand, brushing her hair off her forehead.

 **CLAIRE  
**I’ll just be outside.

The Priest nods, but doesn’t look away from Fleabag.

 **PRIEST  
**(hoarse)  
Thank you.

Claire nods and exits.

The Priest reaches out, cupping Fleabag’s cheek.

 **CUT TO: INT. FLASHBACK, FLEABAG’S FLAT. BEDROOM - NIGHT  
**The Priest and Fleabag are lying in bed awake. He cups her cheek, running his thumb over her cheekbone.

Fleabag reaches up, covering his hand with her own and smiling.

 **INT. HOSPITAL. FLEABAG’S ROOM - EVENING - CONT.  
**The Priest is running his thumb over Fleabag’s cheekbone.

He smiles at her.

 **EXT. HOSPITAL, CARPARK - NIGHT  
**The Priest and Claire sit side by side.

 **PRIEST  
**I’m sorry about what happened yesterday. And today. I was an arsehole.

 **CLAIRE**  
We all have our moments.

Beat.

 **PRIEST  
**You were right. We need to - _I_ need to - think about… about what might happen…

Beat.

He looks at Claire.

 **PRIEST**  
(teary)  
She’s not getting better.

Claire shakes her head.

 **CLAIRE**  
It's fucking horrible.

The Priest laughs a little in agreement.

Beat.

 **PRIEST  
**I like Klare.

Claire smiles.

 **PRIEST  
**How long have the two of you been together?

 **CLAIRE  
**Since the wedding, actually.

Beat.

 **CLAIRE  
**I suppose I have you to thank for that.

 **PRIEST  
**Oh?

 **CLAIRE  
**That speech of yours… about love. It was very... inspiring.

 **PRIEST  
**Ahh.

 **EXT. FLASHBACK, DAD’S HOUSE. GARDEN - DAY  
**The Priest is standing at the alter, facing the wedding guests. He is looking at Fleabag. Fleabag gives him a look in return.

 **EXT. HOSPITAL. CARPARK - CONT.  
**The Priest gives the camera a quick look.

 **PRIEST**  
Glad I could be of service.

They look out at the carpark.

Beat.

 **PRIEST  
**I fucked someone last night.

 **CLAIRE  
**(surprised) **  
** Oh.

Beat.

 **PRIEST  
**She was just… there.

Beat.

 **CLAIRE  
**And have you…  
(she gestures)  
before? Since becoming a priest, I mean. ****

The Priest smiles, self-deprecating.

 **PRIEST  
**Just once.

Claire nods. 

The Priest looks at her.

 **PRIEST  
**She told you everything?

Claire hesitates for a second, then nods. 

**PRIEST  
**I figured as much.

Beat.

 **CLAIRE  
**Did it really end after the wedding?

 **CUT TO: INT. FLASHBACK, HILARY’S CAFE - DAY  
**The Priest is sitting across from an obviously worried Fleabag. He is sporting a black eye and is holding ice on his lip.

He is smiling at her.

 **EXT. HOSPITAL. CARPARK - NIGHT - CONT.  
**The Priest shoots the camera a guilty look. He looks down.

 **PRIEST  
**Yeah.

Beat. Claire doesn’t quite believe him.

She’s about to say something, but the Priest interrupts.

 **PRIEST  
**When I heard about the explosion, I didn’t think. I just… I just started running. It was like, like I couldn’t… control it. Everything I’d said, what I’d told her… It didn’t matter. None of it mattered…

Beat. 

**PRIEST**  
A few months after the wedding, I was offered a temporary job back in Dublin. I thought it was perfect. Our church needed repairs, another priest needed someone to fill in while he was in hospital, and I could get a bit of distance.  
(beat)  
But it didn’t feel right. It _wasn’t_ right.  
(he lets out a bitter laugh)  
Nothing has felt right in... 

**CUT TO: INT. FLASHBACK, CHURCH - EVENING  
**The Priest is standing with BISHOP.

 **PRIEST  
**I don’t think this is something we can just dismiss.

 **BISHOP  
**It’s nothing more than gossip.

 **CUT TO: EXT. HOSPITAL. CARPARK - NIGHT - CONT.  
**The Priest looks at the camera, furious, then back down at his hands.

Beat. He clears his throat.

 **PRIEST  
**I’m sorry to-

 **CLAIRE  
**You love her.

A few tears drip down the Priest’s face. He looks at Claire.

 **PRIEST  
**(smiling, emotional) **  
** Yeah.

Claire reaches out and holds his hand. They sit like that for a while.

We can see a fox in the bushes not far away. It sits, watching the Priest. He doesn’t even notice it.

 **INT. PRIEST’S HOUSE. BEDROOM - NIGHT  
**The Priest is lying in bed, looking at his hand. Flexing his fingers.

 **INT. FLASHBACK, CHURCH. BACK ROOM - DAY  
**The Priest is hit with a book in the face, hard. He reels back. A fist connects with his eye. The camera is zoomed in on the Priest - we can’t see who hit him. The Priest is obviously the victim in this attack.

 **INT. PRIEST’S HOUSE. BEDROOM - NIGHT  
**The Priest turns to look at his bedside table. The frame-less picture of Boo and Fleabag from the café is leaned up against the tea tin. He stares at the tin.

 **INT. FLASHBACK, HILARY’S CAFÉ - DUSK  
**Fleabag and the Priest are sat opposite each other.

The Priest has a split lip, a black eye and a swollen hand. His shirt is bloodstained. There is blood on his clerical collar. He is holding a clump of ice wrapped in a dishcloth on his lip.

They smile sadly at each other. 

**PRIEST  
**How are you?

 **FLEABAG  
**The café is going really well. I’ve hired some help, which is nice.

 **PRIEST  
**That’s not what I asked.

 **FLEABAG  
**I know.

They look at each other.

 **PRIEST  
**It’ll pass.

Fleabag laughs a cruel little laugh.

 **FLEABAG  
**And what if it doesn’t pass? What do you propose I do then, Father?

 **PRIEST  
**Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.

They look at each other.

Finally, the Priest stands up.

 **PRIEST  
**I should go.

He takes a few steps towards the door. He turns back to Fleabag.

 **PRIEST  
**Thank you, for the ice. And seriously, let me know, alright?

Fleabag nods, tearful.

The Priest gives her a sad smile before turning and walking back to the door. The camera stays on him. His hand is on the doorknob when Fleabag speaks.

 **FLEABAG (O.S.)  
**Fuck it. What if I don’t want it to pass?

He turns to her slowly. She’s standing now. He walks back to her. He takes her in his arms and holds her close. She sniffles.

 **FLEABAG  
**(teary) **  
** What am I supposed to do with all this love I have for you?

The Priest pulls back and holds her face in his hands, studying her.

He has an idea.

He moves to the shelves on the wall and starts poking around.

 **FLEABAG  
**What are you…?

The Priest shushes her and moves to the counter. He rifles around until he finds a tea tin. He opens it and peers in. He turns to Fleabag.

 **PRIEST  
**May I?

Fleabag nods, bemused.

The Priest dumps the teabags onto the counter and walks back to her, looking pleased with himself.

 **PRIEST  
**Put it in here.

 **FLEABAG  
**What?

 **PRIEST  
**Your love. Put everything in this tin until you can figure out where else to put it. Or you can just put it in here and throw it out, either way.

 **FLEABAG  
**(laughs) **  
** You’re mad.

 **PRIEST  
**(a little sheepish) **  
** My grandmother used to do this when I had bad dreams as a kid. Not sure if it transfers to other emotions, but it’s the same general concept…  
(beat)  
Just… try it, yeah?

The Priest presses the tin into Fleabag’s hands. Fleabag is skeptical. The Priest gives her a smile.

 **PRIEST  
**It’s gotta go somewhere.

Fleabag looks intensely vulnerable, unnerved. She nods and accepts the tin.

The Priest walks to the door, but he pauses and turns around.

 **PRIEST  
**I-

 **CUT TO: INT. PRIEST’S HOUSE. BEDROOM - NIGHT - CONT.  
**A crash jolts the Priest out of his flashback. The tea tin and the photo have fallen to the floor.

The Priest scrambles to pick them up. As he picks up the tin, something inside it rattles.

The Priest frowns. He’d thought it was empty.

He sits back on his bed and opens the tin. Inside the tin is a folded photo and some scraps of paper. He takes them all out gingerly.

The photo is from the wedding. In it, Dad and Godmother are dancing uncomfortably close together, surrounded by other dancing couples. Guests are standing in the background.The Priest squints at the picture for a minute but doesn’t get why Fleabag kept it. He sets the picture aside and moves on to the bits of paper.

The first one is a drawing of a fox. The Priest winces but laughs.

The rest of the papers are notes, written on scraps of paper of varying sizes and colors. We can make out a brightly colored sticky note that has “FUCK YOU” written on it in large letters. One jagged scrap of paper is just of a cartoon Piglet that looks like it was torn from some stationary.There are numerous little drawings featuring what looks like a stick-figure Fleabag beating up a stick-figure Jesus (these get a loud laugh from the Priest).The majority of the notes are hard to make out - just little papers crowded with Fleabag’s messy script.

One paper is a letter, taking up a full sheet of paper. He unfolds the letter carefully. We see him reading it. He’s teary but smiling.He folds the paper back up carefully and puts it back in the tin, along with the other little notes.

He picks up the photo again, holding it close to his face and staring at it until he suddenly sees it. He lets out a strangled little “oh”. He studies the picture for a moment longer, before setting the picture on his nightstand, propped up beside the picture of Fleabag and Boo.

The Priest walks out of the room, but the camera stays put. The camera zooms in on the wedding picture.

In the corner of the picture, we can see the Priest and Fleabag standing with a group of laughing people. They are looking at each other, beaming. Their love is obvious.

**END OF EPISODE 4**


	5. Episode 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! My apologies for not updating sooner. My work life wound up taking over my personal life, and this chapter was a tricky one. I've gone back and forth with how I feel about it, but I figured I should just get it off my computer and into the world. I hope you like it.

**INT. CHURCH - DAY  
**Some time has passed since the previous episode. The Priest is greeting PARISHIONERS after mass.

 **FRANK  
**Lovely mass, Father. Hope your friend is doing alright.

 **PRIEST**  
Glad to hear it. And thank you.

A woman, CLAUDIA, steps forward and hugs the Priest tightly.

 **CLAUDIA  
**So sorry to hear about your friend, Father. You and she are in my prayers.

 **PRIEST**  
Thank you, Claudia. That means a lot.

Martin approaches, hesitant but determined. He enters from an angle different to the parishioners. He hadn’t attended mass.

 **PRIEST  
**Martin.

 **MARTIN  
**How is she?

 **PRIEST  
**It’s… It’s not looking good.

 **MARTIN  
**Shit.  
(beat)  
I’m sorry.

That sounded harsher than he meant it to. Martin tries again.

 **MARTIN  
**(genuine) **  
** Look, she… She doesn’t deserve that. She, uh, fuck… she’s a good person. She doesn’t deserve that.

The Priest nods in agreement.

 **PRIEST  
**I’ll let the family know you send your condolences.

Martin nods. He looks like he wants to say something else but decides against it. Martin rushes off.

The Priest watches him flee. What was that?

He turns back to greet the parishioners.

 **CUT TO: INT. HOSPITAL. FLEABAG’S ROOM - DAY  
**The Priest enters. Claire and Klare are sat beside Fleabag.

Klare is delighted to see the Priest. He stands and claps the Priest on the shoulder.

 **KLARE  
**My friend! How are you? You are looking much better since I last saw you.

 **PRIEST  
**Feeling better. Thanks, Klare.

 **CLAIRE  
**How was it?

 **PRIEST  
**Well, I managed not to cry or swear, so I’m calling it a win.

 **KLARE  
**I am certain you are an excellent priest. After all, it was because of you my Claire came for me! In the airport!

The Priest looks at Claire.

 **PRIEST  
**The airport? Wow! I didn’t know that.

 **KLARE  
**So romantic!

 **PRIEST  
**Very!

Claire looks ready to vomit.

 **KLARE  
**Ok, ok. I will get back to work now.

He gives Claire a kiss and hugs the Priest tightly.

 **KLARE  
**It was so good to see you again, my friend. Please, have dinner with us, with family tonight, yes?

 **PRIEST  
**Oh, erm...

The Priest looks to Claire, but she is looking at Klare, smitten.

Klare looks very hopeful. How can the Priest say no?

 **PRIEST  
**I’d love to.

 **KLARE  
**Yes! Ok. I will see you both tonight!

Klare leaves. The Priest turns to Claire.

 **PRIEST  
**He’s very positive.

 **CLAIRE  
**(smug) **  
** And convincing. He just got you to agree to having dinner with my father and godmother.

 **PRIEST  
**Shit. I forgot about that.

 **CLAIRE  
**I held her off for as long as I could.

The Priest sinks down into a chair and leans his head back against the wall.

Claire looks at him, concerned.

 **CLAIRE  
**Are you alright?

 **PRIEST  
**Yeah. It’s just… hard to be in the church sometimes.

 **INT. FLASHBACK, CHURCH - NIGHT  
**Fleabag has the Priest up against the door of the confessional and is hiking his skirts up.

 **INT. HOSPITAL. FLEABAG’S ROOM - DAY - CONT.  
**The Priest shoots the camera a look. Shut up.

 **PRIEST CONT’D  
**Everyone just cares so much. They were all asking about her.

He looks at Fleabag.

Claire looks at the Priest.

 **CLAIRE  
**That must be hard, given… everything.

The Priest smiles at her.

 **PRIEST  
**Yeah. To put it mildly. Hard to believe I ever felt peaceful there.

 **INT. FLASHBACK, VESTRY - NIGHT  
**Fleabag clinks glasses with the Priest.

They drink. She watches him.

He looks at her.

 **INT. HOSPITAL. FLEABAG’S ROOM - DAY - CONT.  
**The Priest looks away from the camera and pinches the bridge of his nose for a beat.

Claire still looks concerned.

 **PRIEST  
**Martin stopped by today.

 **CLAIRE  
**Oh?

 **PRIEST  
**Yeah. He was actually… pleasant.

Claire gives him a look.

 **PRIEST  
**Mmhmm. Said he was sorry to hear she wasn’t doing better and that she “doesn’t deserve that.” He called her a “good person.”

They look at Fleabag. Claire smiles sadly.

 **CLAIRE  
**She is a good person.

Beat.

Claire starts chuckling quietly to herself.

 **PRIEST  
**(amused) **  
** What?

 **CLAIRE  
**I shouldn’t laugh, really. It’s just, well… Martin was being absolutely terrible about the divorce. Fighting me for everything. Then one day he showed up looking…  
(chuckles)  
Looking like someone had beaten the shit out of him.

The Priest shoots the camera a look.

 **CLAIRE CONT’D**  
It’s wrong to laugh, but he backed off about things after that. Stopped making things so difficult. It was like whoever had done that had knocked some sense into him.  
(beat)  
I wish I could thank them.

Beat. The Priest shifts around in his seat.

 **PRIEST  
**There’s something I should tell you.

Claire looks at him, instantly suspicious.

 **CLAIRE  
**What?

The Priest looks to the camera.

 **INT. FLASHBACK, CHURCH. BACK ROOM - DAY  
**The Priest is sat at the table in the back room writing. The table is cluttered with books and tat.

We hear the sound of a door being flung open elsewhere in the church. The Priest looks up, startled. He stands and moves toward the door just as Martin enters, looking deranged.

 **PRIEST  
**Martin! Are you alright?

 **MARTIN  
**(sarcastic, drunk)  
Well, Claire’s divorcing me, so I’m just peachy!

 **PRIEST**  
I’m sorry to hear that.

 **MARTIN  
**(threatening)  
Yeah, I bet you are.

Neither the Priest nor Martin understand what Martin means by this.

Martin takes a step closer to the Priest. Menacing. The Priest is rather confused but stands his ground.

 **PRIEST**  
What’s going on, Martin?

 **MARTIN  
**Are you fucking her?

 **PRIEST  
**Excuse me?

 **MARTIN**  
Are - you - fucking - her?

 **PRIEST  
**(still confused) **  
** Claire?

 **MARTIN  
**Fuck off. You know who I mean.

The Priest realizes exactly who he means.

Beat.

 **PRIEST  
**I’m a priest.

 **MARTIN**  
Ha! That doesn’t mean shit. Answer me! Are you fucking her?

 **PRIEST  
**No.

Beat. Martin looks over the Priest, scrutinizing him. The Priest doesn’t look away. After a moment, Martin grins.

Martin laughs to himself, turning and walking around the room. The Priest stares after him.

 **MARTIN  
**(to himself)  
Huh. I can’t believe she actually fucking did it.

 **PRIEST**  
Martin, I don’t know what you’re on about, but I think you should go.

He turns back and walks to the Priest, getting up in his face.

 **MARTIN  
**(to Priest) **  
** What was it about you that did it for her, huh? Did she make you wear the collar? Call you ‘Father’?

The Priest stiffens. Martin scrutinizes him.

 **MARTIN CONT’D**  
Not to mention what it was about her that did it for you… Was it the short skirts? The arrogance? The way she fucking begs for attention at every goddamn turn? Her tits?  
(laughs)  
God, don’t tell me you broke your almighty celibacy over those poor excuses for tits!

Beat. Martin steps even closer.

 **MARTIN**  
Tell me, _Father_ , did you fuck her like the little slut she is?

The Priest snaps and punches Martin square in the face.

Martin is enraged. He fights back, grabbing a book on the table and hitting the Priest in the face with it. The Priest wrests it from him easily. Martin manages one decent punch to the Priest’s eye before the Priest takes control.

The fight is short and violent. He is a pro.

The Priest backs Martin up against a wall, his forearm across Martin’s throat. He is furious and powerful in a way we’ve not seen before.

 **PRIEST  
**Don’t you ever fucking talk about her like that again, you hear me?

Martin is staring, openmouthed. Blood is running from his nose.

 **PRIEST CONT’D  
**If I get word of you talking about her like that again, or spreading rumors about some torrid affair between her and I, or whatever the fuck else you might come up with, I will make your life a living hell. Understand?

Martin is petrified.

 **PRIEST  
**(louder, pressing harder against Martin)  
Understand?

 **MARTIN  
**Yes! God, yes! I won’t say anything!

Satisfied, the Priest releases him. Martin dramatically gasps for air.

They look at each other, Martin shocked, the Priest eerily calm.

Martin runs out of the room. He’s scared shitless. The Priest dusts his hands off, wincing slightly. He has a split lip and his eye is starting to bruise.

 **INT. HOSPITAL. FLEABAG’S ROOM - DAY - CONT.  
**Back at the hospital. Claire is staring at the Priest.

 **CLAIRE  
**What?

 **PRIEST**  
I may have been the one to beat up Martin.

 **CLAIRE**  
You must be joking.

 **PRIEST**  
Nope.

Claire laughs, just a little at first, but then she laughs harder.

 **CLAIRE  
**God, I shouldn’t laugh. He had to get surgery to repair his nose…

The Priest fights a smile.

 **CLAIRE**  
You’re my fucking hero. What prompted that?

The Priest looks down. Her smile fades.

 **CLAIRE**  
What did he say about her?

The Priest gives her a look. Claire understands.

Beat.

Claire suddenly reaches out and holds his hand. She’s looking at Fleabag.

 **CLAIRE  
**(emotional) **  
** Thank you.

The Priest looks at her, surprised. He squeezes her hand. They both look at Fleabag.

 **CUT TO: INT. RESTAURANT - EVENING  
**Claire, Klare, the Priest, Dad and Godmother are all sat at a posh restaurant. They all have full plates of food in front of them. Claire, Klare, Dad and the Priest are uncomfortable. Godmother is not.

Godmother pours the last of a bottle of wine into her glass. She has been talking nonstop about the funeral. She’s delighted at the prospect of being a grieving family member.

 **GODMOTHER  
**Right, so for the start of the service-

 **CLAIRE**  
Why don’t we talk about something else for a bit? Just while we eat.

Dad looks gratefully at Claire.

 **DAD**  
Yes, that might be… Yes. A good idea, darling.

Godmother looks a little put-out but agrees. Silence.

Klare and Claire smile at each other. Klare takes Claire’s hand. Godmother watches.

Beat.

 **GODMOTHER  
**Tell me, Klare, what is it that drew you to my stepdaughter? I don’t think I’ve ever asked.

Claire looks pained.

 **KLARE**  
Well, she just is so smart! You should see her at work - so powerful! And so beautiful. I just knew she is special.

Claire squeezes Klare’s hand. She is touched. Dad and the Priest smile at them. Godmother forces a smile. She turns to the Priest.

 **GODMOTHER**  
Father -

The Priest winces as he is addressed.

 **GODMOTHER CONT’D**  
\- did you have reservations about giving up romantic relationships when you joined the church?

Everyone at the table is taken aback. Claire looks at the Priest. Dad looks supremely uncomfortable.

 **DAD**  
Now…

Godmother pats Dad’s hand to shush him, looking imploringly at the Priest.

 **PRIEST**  
Oh, ah…

 **INT. FLASHBACK, FLEABAG’S FLAT - NIGHT  
**The Priest and Fleabag are both laying on Fleabag’s bed. Fleabag is fast asleep. He’s holding her.

 **INT. RESTAURANT - EVENING  
**The Priest glances at the camera.

 **PRIEST**  
(diplomatic)  
Yeah, no, I erm…

 **GODMOTHER  
**I just mean, is it ever hard to perform a wedding or see two people so obviously in love  
(she reaches out and holds Dad’s hand)  
knowing that you’ll never have that kind of relationship?

 **PRIEST  
**Well, I knew what I was getting myself into when-

He is cut off by a yelping noise. The Priest jumps. A fox is scratching at the window near their table. He gives the camera a look. It’s taking everything in him not to freak the fuck out.

Everyone stares at the fox. Claire’s eyes widen. She looks at the Priest. The Priest gives her an I-fucking-told-you-so look.

 **GODMOTHER  
**God! Is that a fox?!

 **CLAIRE  
**It is.

 **GODMOTHER  
**(disgusted, feigning pity) **  
** Probably rabid, poor dear.

The Priest eyes the camera again. RABID FOXES?!

 **GODMOTHER  
**But really, Father, you’ve never questioned your allegiance to the church? Never been envious of a couple?

 **PRIEST  
**Er…

 **CUT TO: EXT. FLASHBACK, HILARY’S CAFÉ - DAY  
**Fleabag is stood outside her café. A HANDSOME MAN kisses her on the lips. The Priest is across the road, watching. Fleabag doesn’t see him.

The Priest hurries away down a little alley. He punches the side of a building, hard.

 **INT. RESTAURANT - EVENING - CONT.  
**The fox at the window yelps loudly. The Priest gives the camera a look. He then glances at the fox.

The fox continues to make a racket as Godmother speaks.

 **GODMOTHER CONT’D  
**I don’t know how you do it! You’re a saint of a man. Honestly, I-

 **CUT TO: EXT. FLASHBACK, PRIEST’S HOUSE. GARDEN - NIGHT  
**Fleabag and the Priest are sat beside each other on a bench. Fleabag looks at him.

 **FLEABAG  
**Do you ever have doubts?

 **INT. RESTAURANT - EVENING - CONT.  
**The fox is really loud. The Priest explodes.

 **PRIEST**  
YES! OF COURSE!

Beat. Everyone is stunned. The fox at the window falls silent. People at other tables look over. The Priest lowers his voice.

 **PRIEST  
**Look, I… I’m just a man. I get jealous and angry and everything just like everyone else. I…

Godmother is on the brink of being offended. Claire gives the Priest a look. _Stop talking. Now._

Klare decides to save the day.

 **KLARE  
**This is double standard, yes? Society, it tells all the people that we must be perfect representations of whatever traits or jobs and then punishes us whether we are like that or not.

Godmother nods, overly understanding.

 **CLAIRE  
**Oh yes. You would not believe the number of men threatened by a woman in a higher position than them.

 **KLARE  
**The things that are said about the Prime Minister, for example. Just bad.

 **DAD  
**And, uh, she’s, she’s the youngest in the world, isn’t she? Uh, prime minister?

Godmother is delighted with the change in topic.

 **GODMOTHER  
**The youngest Prime Minister in the world! And female to boot! Oh, how is that going? You know, I once met…

Conversation continues. Claire flags down their SERVER. She whispers to him and gestures to the fox at the window. The server disappears.

Claire gives the Priest a look.

The Priest nods in apology. Crisis narrowly averted. He catches Dad’s eye. Dad is giving him a meaningful look. The Priest is puzzled by this. He looks back at the fox.

Godmother wrestles the conversation back to the funeral. She has lots of “big ideas.”

Out the window, slightly out of focus, we can see two SERVERS trying to chase the fox away by clapping and flailing their arms. They fail. The Priest takes notice.

 **GODMOTHER  
**Claire - you told me your sister wanted to be cremated, is that right?

The Priest is watching the fox debacle. A third RESTAURANT WORKER has joined in. He is wielding a broom.

 **CLAIRE  
**Yes…

Claire is also watching the fox debacle.

 **GODMOTHER  
**You know, I’ve never understood cremation. Is cremation a sin, Father?

The fox has managed to snatch the broom away from the workers.

 **PRIEST  
**(distracted) **  
** Erm… Yeah, no. I think God’s got bigger things on his mind than, erm, cremation, honestly.

The workers look terrified. The hurry away from the fox.

 **GODMOTHER  
**(disappointed) **  
** Oh, well, so long as it’s not an issue. I had hoped for-

Two more RESTAURANT WORKERS are now involved. They are clanging metal pans together. It’s deafening.

Godmother whips her head around to see what all the commotion is about. All of the DINERS in the restaurant are now watching the spectacle.

 **GODMOTHER  
**What on Earth?!

Claire is trying very hard not to laugh. The Priest is staring, caught between amusement and horror. Klare moves to go help, but he is held at the table by Godmother.

The restaurant workers are finally able to move the fox by tossing out a steak. The fox runs off after it. The diners clap. Klare claps the loudest.

Godmother is disgusted with the whole display.

The commotion dies down.

 **GODMOTHER  
**Well, I don’t intend to revisit this restaurant, I can assure you. All that commotion just over a fox…

The Priest gives the camera a look.

 **GODMOTHER CONT’D  
**Right, now what was I saying? Oh, the service. Yes. I think I will call our florist. Jean-Paul. You remember him from the wedding, don’t you, Claire?

The fox comes back to the window and sits down, staring at the Priest. The Priest looks at the camera. _Really?_

 **CLAIRE  
**Oh, er, yes.

The server comes over and closes the curtains in front of the fox’s window. He gives Claire a helpless sort of look.

 **GODMOTHER  
**You know, my darling friend Julia performs the most beautiful nude interpretive dances which I think would be just perfect to set the tone…

The Priest stands and excuses himself.

 **INT. RESTAURANT. HALL - EVENING  
**The Priest is sat on the floor with his back against the wall. His eyes are closed.

 **INT. FLASHBACK, CHURCH - EVENING  
**The Priest is standing with the Bishop. The Priest is visibly upset.

 **INT. RESTAURANT. HALL - EVENING - CONT.  
**The Priest gives the camera a look. STOP.

Claire approaches. The Priest gives her a little smile. She sits beside him.

 **CLAIRE  
**Are you alright?  
(beat)  
Tell the truth.

 **PRIEST  
**It’s just… a lot.

Claire nods.

They watch the fox sit down in front of the glass door at the end of the hall. The fox watches them. The Priest tenses but doesn’t freak out. He’s too exhausted.

Claire looks at him.

 **CLAIRE  
**What’s with you and foxes, anyway?

The Priest chuckles.

 **PRIEST  
**My theory is-

Dad arrives, interrupting the Priest. He is surprised to see Claire.

 **DAD  
**Oh! I… I didn’t realize you were… I… Just looking for the… bathroom.

Dad turns and wanders away.

Claire and the Priest share a look.

 **CLAIRE  
**He’s being rather weird.

The Priest nods.

 **PRIEST  
**Does he know anything?

 **CLAIRE  
**No, of course not. Don’t be ridiculous.

The Priest looks down at his hands. He’s not so sure.

Claire gives the Priest a kiss on the cheek. She stands and holds out her hand.

 **CLAIRE  
**Come on. Buck up. Smiles, charm, off we go.

The Priest takes her hand and smiles. Claire pulls him up.

 **INT. RESTAURANT - NIGHT   
**Montage of the rest of dinner - it’s awkward but bearable. Lots of nods and polite smiles. Klare makes everyone laugh a couple of times.

Everyone stands up and starts putting on their coats.

 **GODMOTHER  
**Well, I just feel so much better now that we’ve got planning underway.

 **CLAIRE**  
I can imagine.

Tense beat between Claire and Godmother. Klare breaks it.

 **KLARE  
**It was so good to see you again!

He gives Godmother a kiss on the cheek. She’s charmed to bits.

 **GODMOTHER  
**Oh, Klare! It is always so good to see you. I’m glad Claire was able to move past that ghastly divorce so quickly. Such a relief.

Claire makes a face. She kisses Dad. The Priest says his goodbyes. He’s very polite.

 **EXT. STREETS OF LONDON - NIGHT  
**Dad and Godmother get into a cab. The Priest is walking with Claire and Klare. He’s careful to keep an eye out for foxes.

 **CLAIRE  
**Klare, I’m sorry, but I don’t think I can handle going out tonight.

 **KLARE  
**Oh, that is okay.

 **CLAIRE  
**No, I feel terrible. I know you were really looking forward to it, but I just-

 **KLARE  
**Claire, I understand. You are having a very rough time. My friends, they will understand. We can see them another time.

 **CLAIRE  
**You should still go see them. You’ve earned it, after dealing with my godmother all evening.

Klare frowns.

 **CLAIRE  
**Go. I’m just going to go to sleep.

Klare is torn.

 **PRIEST  
**I’ll make sure she gets back to the hotel alright.

Klare smiles at the Priest and Claire.

 **KLARE**  
You two…

He kisses the Priest on the forehead and Claire on the lips. The Priest is rather startled.

 **KLARE**  
I will be back at the hotel in one hour. I promise you!

 **CLAIRE**  
It’s alright, really.

Klare kisses her again and bounces away.

Claire smiles after him.

 **PRIEST  
**I really like him.

 **CLAIRE  
**(still watching Klare)  
So do I.

The Priest grins at her. She makes a face and continues walking.

They walk in silence for a little while.

 **PRIEST  
**I need to leave the priesthood.

 **CLAIRE  
**What?!

Claire stops walking.

 **PRIEST  
**Yeah. Yeah, I think it’s best if I left.

 **CLAIRE  
**You can't be serious.  
(beat)  
Because of my sister?!

 **PRIEST  
**No. Yes. I mean, for a lot of reasons, really. I think I’ve been lying to myself for a while now.

 **INT. FLASHBACK, CHURCH - EVENING  
**The Priest is standing with the Bishop. The Priest looks incredulously at him.

 **EXT. STREETS OF LONDON - NIGHT - CONT.  
**The Priest glares at the camera. He turns back to Claire.

 **PRIEST  
**And anyway, I think your sister would like the idea of me swearing off God for a bit.  
(he gestures skywards)  
She can have a good laugh with Him about it.

 **CLAIRE  
**And what if she wakes up?

The Priest arches his eyebrows, surprised at Claire’s optimism. He thinks about her question for a moment. 

**PRIEST  
**Then I suppose I’ll beg for her forgiveness and ask to sleep on her sofa for a bit.

Beat. He looks at Claire.

 **PRIEST  
**My decision is the same regardless of whether your sister has feelings for me.

Claire makes a face.

 **PRIEST**  
_I’m sure._ Trust me. This is… not exactly a new thought.

 **INT. FLASHBACK, CHURCH - EVENING  
**The Priest is standing with the Bishop.

 **BISHOP  
**(cruel) **  
** It would do you well to keep your focus on the church and less on the young ladies of the parish. Need I remind you that you are a Man of God?

 **EXT. STREETS OF LONDON - NIGHT - CONT.  
**The Priest gives the camera a look. He’s upset. We’re not supposed to know about that.

He turns his attention back to Claire.

They stand, looking at each other.

Claire looks like she might be suppressing a smile.

 **CLAIRE  
**Well, if you must…

Beat.

 **PRIEST  
**I’m leaving the church.

He looks at Claire and grins, laughing a little. 

**PRIEST  
**I’ve not said that out loud before.  
I’m leaving the church. Ha!

The Priest lets out a loud whoop.

Claire is charmed by him. She gives a little laugh. The Priest stretches out his arms and turns to the sky.

 **PRIEST  
**(to sky)  
I’M LEAVING THE CHURCH! HA!

 **PRIEST  
**(to camera)  
HA!

**END OF EPISODE 5**


	6. Episode 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! 
> 
> The support for this story has blown my socks clean off. I was extremely hesitant about posting anything, particularly in screenplay format, but you all have made me feel so at home. Never did I ever expect to get 99 kudos on anything I created.

**INT. CHURCH, BACK ROOM - DAY  
**Some time has passed since Episode 5. The Priest is sitting at the table paging through some papers. We can see that they’re résumés for priests applying at St. Ethelred’s.

His phone rings. He answers it immediately without looking up from the résumé he’s reading.

 **PRIEST  
**Hello?

 **CLAIRE (O.S.)  
**Just had a visit with Doctor Patel.

 **PRIEST  
**Oh?

The Priest sets the résumé aside.

 **CLAIRE (O.S.)  
**She’s weaker than yesterday.

 **PRIEST  
**Shit. What does hospice think?

 **CLAIRE (O.S.)  
**They said it could be any day now.

The Priest puts his hand on his brow.

 **PRIEST  
**Fuck.

 **CLAIRE (O.S.)  
**Yeah.

The Priest eyes a bible sitting on the table.

 **INT. FLASHBACK, CHURCH BACK ROOM - DAY  
**There is a bible on the table. Fleabag picks it up, she smells the pages. The Priest sees her and smiles to himself before entering the room with the tea.

 **CUT TO: INT. CHURCH, BACK ROOM - DAY - CONT.  
**The Priest glances at the camera.

 **PRIEST  
**I know it’s not exactly a surprise, but…

 **CLAIRE (O.S.)  
**I know.

Beat.

 **PRIEST  
**Should I…?

 **CLAIRE (O.S.)  
**No, it’s alright. She’s stable. Go to your interview.

 **PRIEST  
**I’ll head to the hospital straight after.

 **CLAIRE (O.S.)  
**Good.

Claire hangs up. The Priest exhales.

 **EXT. STREETS OF LONDON - DAY  
**The Priest is walking to the hospital, lost in his thoughts. He seems peaceful.

 **INT. FLASHBACK, DUBLIN. CHURCH - DAY  
**The Priest is younger and dressed in an ill-fitting suit. He stands with a group of young men, his friends. Pictures of a pretty young woman, EMMA, are propped up all around the church.

 **FATHER SEAN  
**The funeral liturgy says life is changed, not ended. While cut tragically short, Emma’s life-

 **CUT TO: EXT. STREETS OF LONDON - DAY - CONT.  
**The Priest gives the camera a murderous glare. He walks faster.

 **INT. HOSPITAL. FLEABAG’S ROOM - DAY  
**The Priest enters. He hands Claire a coffee. She accepts it with a grateful look. He settles down into a chair. He and Claire are sat either side of Fleabag.

The Priest looks at Fleabag. She looks significantly worse than when we last saw her.

 **EXT. FLASHBACK, HILARY’S CAFÉ - DAY  
**The café is rammed with CUSTOMERS. The door is open and there are tables outside, all full.

Everyone there is talking to each other. It’s Chatty Wednesday.

Fleabag is delivering a coffee to someone. She looks tired but very happy. She leans forward to talk to JOE. She throws her head back and laughs.

The Priest is frozen, blatantly staring from across the street. Beside him, Pam is prattling on, unaware that he’s not paying attention.

Fleabag looks up and sees him.

 **CUT TO: INT. HOSPITAL. FLEABAG’S ROOM - DAY - CONT.  
**The Priest glances at the camera before looking back down at Fleabag.

 **CLAIRE  
**How did your meeting with the priest go? Find your replacement?

 **PRIEST  
**I think I may have, actually. Young guy, fresh out of the seminary. I think he’ll be a big hit.

 **CLAIRE  
**Took you bloody long enough.

The Priest rolls his eyes.

 **CLAIRE  
**Have you given much thought to what you’re going to do after you’ve left?

 **PRIEST  
**One thing at a time, Claire.

 **CLAIRE  
**I just think you should have some kind of plan in place if you’re really serious about-

 **PRIEST  
**(interrupting)  
How was meeting Klare’s friends?

Beat. Claire knows what he’s doing. She allows it.

 **CLAIRE  
**Awful. They’re all so… cheerful and upbeat.

 **PRIEST  
**They’re Klare’s friends, what did you expect?

Claire grimaces.

 **CLAIRE  
**I can’t believe you got out of meeting them.

 **PRIEST  
**I would’ve rather met with them than done the church’s bookkeeping, I can assure you.

Claire makes a face. She would’ve rather done the bookkeeping. The Priest laughs. 

**PRIEST  
**Well, he’s back in Finland now, so you’re just stuck with me. Don’t worry, I don’t have any friends.

 **CLAIRE  
**Thank god.

The Priest smiles to himself.

 **INT. HOSPITAL. FLEABAG’S ROOM - LATER  
**Claire is looking at Fleabag.

 **CLAIRE  
**I can’t imagine life without her.

Beat.

 **PRIEST  
**Life is changed, not ended.

Claire looks at him.

 **PRIEST**  
Your sister thought it was a load of shit, but… I’ve always found a lot of comfort in that sentiment.

Beat.

 **CLAIRE  
**You seem… ok.

 **PRIEST  
**I’ll probably be a basket case later on, but for now… I’m just glad to have known her, to have loved her, even if it was for such a short amount of time.  
(beat)  
I’m a better person for having known her.

Claire nods, emotional.

 **PRIEST  
**(more to self than to Claire) **  
** She’ll be at peace.

He gives Fleabag a sad smile.

 **INT. HOSPITAL. FLEABAG'S ROOM - DAY  
**Montage of the Priest and Claire in Fleabag's room. Dad and Godmother visit for a bit. The day looks just like all the ones before it. They make it through.

 **INT. PRIEST’S BEDROOM - NIGHT  
**The Priest is asleep. We hear a fox crying loudly. It wakes the Priest. He squints at the clock, groggy. A second later his phone rings. He answers it clumsily.

 **PRIEST  
**Hello?

It’s Claire. Something is wrong. The Priest bolts upright.

 **PRIEST  
**What’s happened?

He starts scrambling for his clothes. We can’t hear exactly what Claire is saying, but she sounds panicked. The Priest is yanking clothes on and stumbling into things.

 **PRIEST  
**I’m on my way. BASTARD! I’m on my way. I’ll be there. I’ll be there.

 **INT. HOSPITAL. FLEABAG’S ROOM - DAWN  
**Claire is sitting at Fleabag’s bedside, tears streaming down her face. She is clinging to Fleabag’s hand. Fleabag is extremely pale and gaunt-looking.

The Priest enters, somewhat out of breath. He goes to Claire immediately. She wraps her arms around his waist.

 **CLAIRE  
**(muffled against the Priest)  
This is it.

The Priest presses a kiss to the top of Claire’s head. They stay like that for a bit.

 **PRIEST  
**Who else have you called?

 **CLAIRE**  
Just you. I couldn’t…

The Priest nods.

 **PRIEST  
**Alright. I’ll call your father and godmother. I’ll call them right now.

Claire nods and releases the Priest, turning back to her sister.

The Priest moves to the back of the room and holds his phone up to his ear.

 **INT. HOSPITAL. FLEABAG’S ROOM - LATER  
**The Priest enters the room, carrying two paper cups of tea. Claire accepts hers gratefully.

Her phone rings. She answers.

 **CLAIRE  
**Klare?

She looks at the Priest, surprised. He called Klare?

Claire stands and moves to the back of the room. The Priest looks down at Fleabag, brushing her hair out of her eyes.

 **CLAIRE  
**(crying hard but trying to stifle it) **  
** It’s so good to hear your voice.  
(beat)  
No, no, it’s very bad…  
(beat)  
You don’t have to-  
(beat)  
Ok.  
(beat)  
Ok.  
(sniffles)  
Yeah, I’ll see you soon.  
(beat)  
I love you.

Claire hangs up and takes her seat once more, stunned. She looks at the Priest.

 **PRIEST  
**Is he going to make the flight?

 **CLAIRE  
**Y-yes.

The Priest smiles.

 **PRIEST  
**Good.

Claire watches him watch Fleabag.

Beat.

She opens her mouth to say something, but Godmother and Dad come crashing in.

The Priest meets Claire’s eyes. Here we go.

Claire goes to Dad, who looks like he’s been crying for ages. Godmother throws herself into the Priest’s arms.

 **GODMOTHER  
**It’s just so tragic, isn’t it?

The Priest is low on patience.

 **PRIEST  
**(emphatic)  
Yes. It is.

Godmother looks down at Fleabag. She looks repulsed for a fraction of a second before her face is contorted with exaggerated grief.

Godmother throws herself onto Fleabag, crying dramatically. Dad and Claire looked pained by her actions.

The Priest yanks Godmother off Fleabag.

Godmother is stunned. Claire and Dad are frozen.

 **PRIEST  
**(cold, firm) **  
** Get off her.

Godmother nods, startled, and is subdued for a little bit.

Claire looks impressed. Dad gives the Priest a grateful look. The Priest gives a little nod in return.

 **JUMP CUT TO: INT. HOSPITAL. FLEABAG’S ROOM  
**The Priest puts his hand on Claire’s shoulder as he passes her a cup of tea.

 **JUMP CUT TO: INT. HOSPITAL. FLEABAG’S ROOM  
**The Priest enters with bags of takeaway. He distributes the food.

 **JUMP CUT TO: INT. HOSPITAL. FLEABAG’S ROOM - LATER  
**Godmother and the Priest are sitting at the back of the room. Claire and Dad are sat on either side of Fleabag, talking quietly.

The Priest is silent, his eyes on Fleabag. Godmother looks at him, then to Fleabag.

Beat.

 **GODMOTHER  
**(looking at Fleabag) **  
** You know, I held her on the day she was born.

The Priest looks at her, surprised. Godmother is staring at Fleabag.

 **GODMOTHER  
**She was a terribly peculiar-looking little thing. She had an unusually long face and this weird skin condition that lasted until she was two.

The Priest makes a face. 

**GODMOTHER CONT’D**  
But I adored her.

Beat. Godmother sighs.

 **GODMOTHER  
**(genuinely affectionate)  
She is so like her mother.

They sit in silence for a little while, neither having anything more to say to the other.

 **JUMP CUT TO: INT. HOSPITAL. FLEABAG’S ROOM  
**Claire leans heavily against the Priest as they look down at Fleabag.

 **JUMP CUT TO: INT. HOSPITAL. FLEABAG’S ROOM - EVENING  
**Fleabag has been taken off all but a couple of machines. They are all clustered around Fleabag, Claire and the Priest on one side, Dad and the Godmother on the other.

The Priest looks down at Fleabag.

 **INT. FLASHBACK, DAD’S HOUSE. GARDEN - NIGHT  
**Fleabag is walking Dad up the aisle. She makes a little face at the Priest. He stifles his smile. ****

 **INT. HOSPITAL. FLEABAG’S ROOM - EVENING - CONT.   
**The Priest looks at the camera. He’s trying very hard not to cry.

Dad notices.

He reaches out and squeezes the Priest’s hand. He and the Priest look at each other. 

Godmother watches, curious.

 **JUMP CUT TO: INT. HOSPITAL. FLEABAG’S ROOM  
**The Priest is cradling a softly crying Claire. She is practically on his lap. Dad’s face is being caressed by Godmother. The end is close.

The door to the room opens slowly. Klare steps in. The Priest sees him first. He nudges Claire. She looks up. Klare goes to her, kneeling by her. Claire throws herself on him. He rubs her back as she cries.

The Priest watches Claire and Klare. He glances to Dad and Godmother, also embracing. A sense of deep loneliness overcomes him.

He is jerked out of his thoughts by Claire placing her hand in his, squeezing tight. He startles, looking at her.

She gives him a look. So does Klare.

He is not alone.

 **INT. HOSPITAL. FLEABAG’S ROOM - NIGHT  
**Time lapse of everyone just sitting around, waiting for the inevitable. The Priest spends a lot of time praying and looking after the family.

 **INT. HOSPITAL. FLEABAG’S ROOM - MORNING  
**The next morning. Dad, Godmother, Klare, Claire and the Priest spent the night in the hospital. Nothing has changed. Everyone in the room is the feeling a horrible combination of antsy and drained. Godmother just feels antsy.

Doctor Patel enters.

 **DOCTOR PATEL  
**(gentle) **  
** How are you all holding up?

They make anguished sort of faces in return. Doctor Patel nods, compassionate.

 **GODMOTHER  
**Excuse me, doctor, but why hasn’t she…  
(she mouths the word “died”)  
…yet?

Everyone is horrified by Godmother, but she does have a point. They listen intently to Doctor Patel’s answer.

 **DOCTOR PATEL  
**Honestly, I don’t know. I did not expect her to last longer than an hour off the machines, but she’s tough.

Dad looks proud of Fleabag. He pats her hand.

 **DOCTOR PATEL**  
I’ll have a nurse come in to check her vitals and run some more tests.

 **DAD  
**Is there… Is there a chance that she…?

 **DOCTOR PATEL  
**It’s unlikely. The odds of her recovering are still very low. Not impossible, but low.

Dad nods, sobered.

Doctor Patel exits.

They all look at each other.

 **CLAIRE  
**So I guess we just…

 **DAD  
**Wait.

They all look at Fleabag.

 **INT. HOSPITAL. FLEABAG’S ROOM - LATER  
**A nurse comes in. She encourages everyone to go home and get some rest, assuring them that she’ll call with any news. They wheel Fleabag out of the room for some tests.

Dad and Godmother decide to leave. Dad is very reluctant, but he’s dead on his feet.

 **CLAIRE  
**(to Priest)  
You should go too.

The Priest shakes his head.

 **CLAIRE  
**I’m serious. Go take a nap or something.

 **PRIEST  
**I’m not leaving you here alone.

 **CLAIRE  
**I’m not alone.

They look at Klare, dozing peacefully in a chair at the back of the room. The Priest relents.

 **PRIEST  
**I suppose I wouldn’t mind getting a bit of air… Call me the second anything happens, alright?

 **CLAIRE  
**I will.

The Priest gives her a kiss on the cheek and moves towards the door. He pauses to cover Klare with his discarded jacket before exiting.

 **INT. CHURCH - DAY  
**The Priest is walking around the church. He’s feeling peaceful.

 **INT. FLASHBACK, RESTAURANT - NIGHT  
**The Priest is sat at a table with Dad and Godmother.

Claire approaches.

 **GODMOTHER  
**And here’s Claire. Hello, darling!

She and Dad both stand to greet Claire. Claire gives a pained-looking smile.

 **GODMOTHER  
**(to Claire)  
Have you heard from your sister?

The Priest looks surprised. He didn’t know Claire had a sister, let alone that she was coming to dinner.

 **CLAIRE**  
Yes, she’s just-

 **PRIEST  
**(simultaneously) **  
** Oh! I didn’t realize-

Fleabag enters. She’s stuffing a carton of cigarettes in her purse, not looking at the table until she is very close to it.

She looks incredible. The Priest makes an effort to keep his eyes on her face. He’s moderately successful.

 **FLEABAG  
**(bright)  
Hello!

Fleabag’s reception is noticeably cooler than Claire’s, though Fleabag doesn’t seem perturbed. The Priest looks between the family members, feeling as though he’s missed something.

Godmother is staring at Fleabag’s jumpsuit.

 **GODMOTHER**  
(to Fleabag)  
What an interesting outfit you have on, dear. Won’t you get cold?

Fleabag immediately starts pouring herself a glass of champagne. The Priest is already surprised by her.

 **FLEABAG**  
Plenty warm, thank you.

She takes the seat beside the Priest. The Priest is pleased by this. He’s very curious about her. He is about to introduce himself to her when Godmother talks over him.

 **GODMOTHER**  
(to Claire)  
Where’s Martin?

 **CLAIRE  
**Oh, he’ll be here any minute.

Claire, Dad and Godmother start chatting about traffic. Fleabag is silent. The Priest tries to introduce himself again but is stopped by Godmother putting her hand on his arm to get his attention.

 **GODMOTHER  
**(to Priest)  
What was the traffic like when you arrived, dear?

 **PRIEST  
**Oh, I just took the Tube.

Godmother blinks at him. She covers her surprise with a laugh.

 **GODMOTHER  
**I suppose you prefer public transportation what with the environmental benefits! Have you heard about those environmental activists in Canada?

Claire has heard of them. She and Godmother start talking. The Priest turns to Fleabag once more.

 **GODMOTHER  
**(loudly, to Priest) **  
** Have you heard of the Canadian activists?

Fleabag appears oblivious to both the conversation happening at the table and the Priest’s repeated attempts to talk to her.

The Priest sighs. He studies Fleabag for one fleeting moment before turning to Godmother. ****

 **PRIEST**  
No, I can’t say that I have.

 **INT. CHURCH - DAY  
**The Priest smiles at the camera. He has no regrets. 

His phone buzzes. He answers. ****

 **CLAIRE (O.S.)  
**Something’s happened. You need to get to the hospital as soon as you can-

The Priest looks to the camera, terrified.

 **INT. HOSPITAL. HALL - LATE AFTERNOON  
**Claire is pacing, waiting for the Priest. Klare is there too.

The Priest rushes to them. 

**PRIEST  
**(breathless)  
What’s happened?

 **CLAIRE  
**She’s getting stronger.

 **PRIEST  
**(still out of breath) **  
**_What?_

 **CLAIRE  
**I don’t know. They won’t tell me anything specific but… She’s waking up. 

**PRIEST  
**She’s… she’s getting better?

 **CLAIRE / KLARE  
**Yes. / Yes!

Beat.

 **PRIEST  
**YOU SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME, CLAIRE!

 **CLAIRE  
**I’M SORRY! / They weren’t sure what was happening. / I thought you’d want to know.

 **PRIEST  
**(simultaneously)  
Jesus Christ. / You can’t just call people… / OF COURSE I WANTED TO KNOW!

Beat. The Priest catches his breath.

 **PRIEST  
**So, she’s going to be ok?

 **CLAIRE  
**I mean, they are still running tests, and she could-

The Priest gives her a look. Claire gives him a look back. She can’t not think of the worst-case scenario. Klare is smiling.

The Priest laughs in disbelief. He looks at the camera, stunned.

**END OF EPISODE 6**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I know I said there would only be six episodes, but I can't just leave it like that, can I??  
> Seventh chapter will be up soon. <3


	7. Episode 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As ever, the response to this story is so incredible to me. A massive thank you to everyone who has left a kudos or comment on this story. The comments especially have made me so happy I could cry. You all have encouraged me so much more than you know.

**INT. HOSPITAL WAITING ROOM – EVENING  
**Doctor Patel comes out, smiling. The Priest, Klare and Claire rush over. 

**DOCTOR PATEL  
**Her brain function appears to be completely normal. She’s still groggy, but she has feeling in all her limbs. I don’t know what strings you had to pull with which deity…

The Priest glances at the camera.

 **DOCTOR PATEL CONT’D**  
…but I don’t expect her to have any significant side effects. We’ll run more tests when she’s been awake for longer, but, for now, you’re welcome to go see her. She may be a little loopy for the next few hours, but she’s well. 

Klare, Claire and the Priest thank the doctor profusely before tearing down the hall to Fleabag’s room.

 **INT. HOSPITAL. HALL – EVENING  
**Klare has his hand on the doorknob to Fleabag’s room when the Priest gets cold feet. He looks at the camera. He’s freaked out.

 **PRIEST  
**I don’t know if I should go in there.

 **CLAIRE / KLARE  
**What are you talking about? / Why?

 **PRIEST  
**I don’t think she’ll want to see me.

 **KLARE  
**Why would she not want to see you? Her friend. Charming Priest!

 **PRIEST**  
I haven’t spoken with her-

 **CLAIRE  
**She’s fucking in love with you, of course she’ll want to see you.

 **PRIEST  
**You don’t know that.

 **KLARE  
**She’s her sister!

 **CLAIRE  
**(simultaneously) **  
** I’m her sister. Of course I know that.

Klare nods seriously.

 **PRIEST  
**I just think it should be up to her. / You don’t know-

 **CLAIRE  
**(simultaneously) **  
** I know her. / I think I can-

 **KLARE  
**(simultaneously) **  
** You have been here the whole time for her-

Their argument is interrupted by the appearance of Dad and Godmother.

 **GODMOTHER  
**Goodness! What’s going on out here?

Godmother pays close attention to the Priest.

 **DAD  
**She’s-she’s alright?

 **CLAIRE**  
We haven’t seen her yet-

 **IRRITATED NURSE (O.S.)  
**We can hear you.

Claire, Klare and the Priest exchange a quick look. Claire, Dad and Godmother rush through the door. The Priest moves to leave, but Klare catches hold of him, pulling him into the room.

 **INT. HOSPITAL. FLEABAG’S ROOM – EVENING  
**Fleabag is propped up slightly in bed. The IRRITATED NURSE is checking her pulse and fiddling about on the computer. Fleabag smiles feebly when she sees them. She’s pale and weak, but alive.

Claire rushes to Fleabag, pulling her into a hug that elicits soft yelps from Fleabag and a scolding from the Irritated Nurse. Dad is right behind her. His hug is much gentler.

Claire settles into a seat beside the bed, taking Fleabag’s hand. Klare stands behind her, grinning down at Fleabag. The Priest hangs back.

 **CLAIRE  
**Are you alright? How do you feel? Do you know where you are?

Fleabag tries to speak, but it’s impossible to understand her. She makes a face and gestures instead. She feels like shit.

 **CLAIRE  
**God, you sound awful. Here, drink something.

Claire forces a cup with a straw at Fleabag. She takes a few sips to appease Claire. Godmother awkwardly pets the top Fleabag’s head.

 **GODMOTHER  
**What a miraculous recovery! The doctors all said-

Dad cuts her off.

 **DAD  
**So glad you’re better, darling. So glad…

Dad gets emotional. Fleabag makes a concerned/astonished face. She reaches out and touches Dad’s cheek. She makes a little face.

 **DAD  
**What… What would I have done without you?

Fleabag smiles. Godmother is trying to hide her jealousy. She attempts to pull Dad away, but he ignores her, holding tight to his daughter’s hand.

Claire, Klare and Dad start discussing next steps. Fleabag’s eyes roam the room. Shefinally sees the Priest, who is semi-hiding near the door. Their eyes meet.

We can’t read Fleabag’s expression. Shock? Anger? Both?

The Priest glances at the camera.

 **INT. FLASHBACK, HILARY’S CAFÉ - EVENING  
**Aftermath of the Priest’s fight with Martin. The Priest has a swollen eye and a bleeding lip. He and Fleabag are sat at a table.

Fleabag gives him a look. She’s trying to figure him out.

The Priest keeps his gaze down. ****

 **CUT TO: INT. HOSPITAL. FLEABAG’S ROOM - EVENING - CONT.  
**The Priest looks back to Fleabag. They hold eye contact.

Fleabag is still impossible to read. The Priest glances at the camera again. He’s in over his head.

Godmother notices Fleabag and the Priest’s staring. She watches them for a moment before speaking.

 **GODMOTHER  
**(to Priest, innocent)  
What are you doing all the way over there, Father? Come join the family! You’re practically one of us these days anyway.

Claire, Klare and Dad stop talking. All eyes are on the Priest. He’s starting to panic. He looks at the camera.

 **GODMOTHER  
**(to Fleabag)  
You would not believe what a help Father has been while you’ve been… indisposed. He’s been here every day!  
(to Priest)  
Isn’t that right, Father?  
(back to Fleabag)  
Every. Day.

Fleabag looks at the Priest.

 **GODMOTHER  
**(to Fleabag) **  
**_Such_ a lovely man, isn’t he?

Godmother looks between Fleabag and the Priest, eager.

Fleabag gives the Priest a look. She’s trying to figure him out.

The Priest looks at the camera again. He’s panicking now.

 **CUT TO: INT. FLASHBACK, HILARY’S CAFÉ - EVENING  
**Closeup on Fleabag. Aftermath of the Priest's fight with Martin.

Fleabag is giving the Priest a look. She’s trying to figure him out.

 **CUT TO: INT. HOSPITAL. FLEABAG’S ROOM - EVENING - CONT.  
**All eyes are on the Priest.

Tension builds.

 **PRIEST  
**(to Fleabag)  
I’ll, er… I’ll leave the three of you to catch up.

Everyone is disappointed by this response, particularly Godmother.

The Priest is about to exit when Fleabag speaks.

 **FLEABAG  
**(very raspy and hoarse) **  
** Well fuck you then.

The Priest freezes. He turns back to Fleabag.

 **EXT. FLASHBACK, BACK OF RESTAURANT - NIGHT  
**Fleabag and the Priest are standing against the wall together, smoking.Fleabag puts her cigarette out and exits.

 **PRIEST  
**(lightly)  
Fuck you, then.

She stops and turns to look at him. Incredulous. ****

 **CUT TO: INT. HOSPITAL. FLEABAG’S ROOM - EVENING - CONT.  
**The Priest almost laughs. He looks at the camera. Incredulous. It’s not enough to keep him there.

The Priest stammers out an apology, his eyes down. He exits with his tail between his legs. Everyone in the room looks after him. Dad pats Fleabag’s hand in consolation.

 **DAD  
**(gently, to Fleabag) **  
** Give him some time.

 ****Claire looks quizzically at Dad.

 **INT. HOSPITAL. HALL - EVENING  
**The Priest is a little way’s away from Fleabag’s room. He leans back against the wall and scrunches his eyes shut.

 **INT. FLASHBACK, HILARY’S CAFÉ - EVENING  
**Aftermath of the Priest’s fight with Martin. The Priest has a swollen eye and bleeding lip. He and Fleabag are sat at a table. She is inspecting his injured hand.

Fleabag makes a face. She presses gently on the bones of the Priest’s hand, wincing slightly when he hisses with pain.

 **FLEABAG  
**Sorry.

She puts a clump of ice wrapped in a tea towel over his knuckles.

 **FLEABAG  
**You’ve probably broken something.

The Priest shakes his head - this isn’t his first rodeo.

 **PRIEST  
**Nah. Just a bit of bruising.

Beat. He’s revealed more than he meant to. Fleabag knows this.

She gives him a look.

 **PRIEST**  
I just mean... I’ve had worse.

The Priest scrunches his face. He’s made things worse.

 **FLEABAG  
**(amused) **  
** Jesus. What did you do before you were a priest? Member of the IRA or something?

The Priest’s smile falters. He chuckles uncomfortably as he pulls his hand gently away from her.

 **PRIEST**  
Something like that.

Fleabag gives him a look. She’s trying to figure him out.

The Priest keeps his gaze down.

 **INT. HOSPITAL. HALL - EVENING - CONT.**   
The Priest gives the camera a look. He pushes away from the wall and walks away. ****

 **INT. CHURCH - NIGHT  
**The Priest is in the church. He is sitting in a pew, surveying the room. He’s admiring the church. Worshipping it. He’s tempted to stay. The church is easy. It’s the outside world that’s so much harder.

He gives the camera a quick glance before kneeling in prayer.

He closes his eyes.

 **INT. FLASHBACK, CHURCH   
**Montage of happy, easy moments the Priest has had in the church. Christenings, fêtes, sermons, etc.

 **CUT TO: INT. FLASHBACK, CHURCH - DAY  
**People are filing out of the church and saying goodbye to the Priest.

Fleabag comes up to him.

 **PRIEST  
**Oh, hello.

 **FLEABAG  
**Hi.

 **CUT TO: INT. CHURCH - EVENING - CONT.   
**The Priest gives the camera a frustrated look. He closes his eyes again.

 **INT. FLASHBACK, CHURCH  
**Montage of happy church moments continues.

 **CUT TO: INT. FLASHBACK, VESTRY - NIGHT  
**The Priest is staring at Fleabag.

 **PRIEST  
**Fuck you, calling me Father, like it doesn’t turn you on just to say it.

 **CUT TO: INT. CHURCH - EVENING - CONT.  
**The Priest is really irritated now. He glares at the camera and closes his eyes.

 **INT. FLASHBACK, CHURCH  
**The church montage continues, only to be intercut with shots of Fleabag and the Priest having fun together: Fleabag laughing at the robes the Priest is modeling in the clerical shop; Fleabag at the church fête; Fleabag and the Priest just outside the confessional; Fleabag and the Priest kissing against the confessional.

The church flashbacks aggressively pick up speed after every cut to Fleabag. The cuts to Fleabag pick up speed as well.

We get dizzy switching back and forth between happy Fleabag moments and happy church moments.

 **INT. CHURCH - EVENING - CONT.  
**Back in the present. The Priest is absolutely furious. He looks like he’s about to start shouting at the camera when his phone rings.

The Priest turns to the camera and makes a face. He’s not finished with us yet.

He turns back to the phone and sighs before answering.

 **CUT TO: INT. PUB - NIGHT  
**The Priest and Klare are sipping pints.

 **PRIEST  
**How is she?

 **KLARE  
**She is good. She still cannot speak well, but the nurses say that will get better in a few days.

 **PRIEST  
**How are they all getting on?

Klare shakes his head, bewildered. 

The Priest chuckles in understanding.

Beat.

 **KLARE  
**You ran away earlier.

 **PRIEST  
**Yes, I remember.

Beat. Klare looks at the Priest, studying him.

 **PRIEST  
**What?

 **KLARE  
**Why did you do that?

The Priest lets out a little awkward laugh. He looks down.

Klare just looks at him.

 **PRIEST  
**I don’t know. I couldn’t… I never thought…  
(beat)  
I thought I had finally found my peace within the church. When I was in my twenties, I…

 **CUT TO: EXT. FLASHBACK, IRELAND. STREETS - DAY  
**Injured people lay moaning in the streets. The Priest, younger, is limping among them, searching. Something bad has just happened.

 **PRIEST  
**Emma? EMMA!

 **JUMP CUT TO: INT. FLASHBACK, IRELAND. PUB - NIGHT  
**The Priest is drinking heavily and sat with a group of untrustworthy-looking MEN. They are loud and boisterous.

 **JUMP CUT TO: INT. FLASHBACK, IRELAND. LIVING ROOM - DAY  
**The Priest is watching the news. We can’t see what he is seeing, but we can hear some muffled reporters speaking, sounding grim.

The Priest looks completely shocked. He’s on the phone. We can hear a MAN on the other end yelling.

 **MAN (O.S.)  
**WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!

 **CUT TO: INT. PUB - NIGHT  
**The Priest gives the camera a murderous look. ****

 **PRIEST CONT’D  
**I found the church. And I stuck with the church. Through everything, I stuck with the church.

 **INT. FLASHBACK, CHURCH - EVENING  
**The Priest is standing with the Bishop.

 **PRIEST  
**(incredulous)  
You’ve got to be joking. How am I supposed to come up with proof when these girls-

 **INT. PUB - NIGHT - CONT.  
**The Priest doesn’t acknowledge the camera. He clenches his jaw but continues talking.

 **PRIEST CONT’D  
**I thought I had made peace with her being out of my life, and I hadn’t because…

Beat. The Priest is emotional. Klare nods.

 **PRIEST CONT’D**  
Then I made peace with her death and I thought I could finally have some fucking peace and now she’s awake and I have to - I owe it to her, to tell her that I’m not… I’m not the person she…

 **INT. FLASHBACK, DUBLIN. PUB - NIGHT  
**The Priest is sat with his friend, GARRETT. 

**GARRETT  
**(furious)  
You were a suspected fucking terrorist with a pedophile for a brother and parents with police records thicker than-

 **INT. PUB - NIGHT - CONT.  
**The Priest makes a frustrated noise and puts his head in his hands.

Beat. Klare looks at the Priest sympathetically.

The Priest sits up and takes a swig of his pint. He keeps his eyes on his glass as he speaks.

 **PRIEST**  
I don’t know. Maybe I shouldn’t leave the church after all. Maybe the church is the only kind of peace I’m capable of.

 **KLARE  
**You are always talking about this “peace.” What does it mean?

The Priest looks up. He thinks about this for a moment before responding.

 **PRIEST  
**I guess… Peace is just stability. It’s that tranquil feeling when you’re alone at the end of the day. That feeling that you’re doing the right thing.

 **KLARE  
**That is not happiness.

 **PRIEST  
**It’s a kind of happiness.

 **KLARE  
**That is a kind of happiness only for people who do not want to really be happy or understand what it is.

The Priest laughs, surprised.

 **KLARE  
**It is true! Your peace sounds safe, but it does not have the high feelings that a person needs to have an interesting life.

 **PRIEST  
**High feelings also bring low feelings.

 **KLARE  
**And low feelings are better than no feelings at all.

Beat.

The men look at each other, continuing their conversation without words. The Priest is scared.

 **KLARE  
**She will be angry with you. But whatever it is that you have done, she will forgive you. Claire knows this. I know this. She has forgiven her father, her sister, I think even her godmother. You just have to try.

Beat. They look at each other.

 **INT. CHURCH. BACK ROOM - DAWN  
**The Priest is back in the church. There are a couple of boxes out, half-filled with some of the Priest’s things. He wanders over to one. It has his purple robe in it. He fiddles with it, remembering.

 **INT. FLASHBACK, DUBLIN. PUB - NIGHT  
**The Priest is sat with a friend, Garrett. They are drinking.

 **PRIEST  
**(upset)  
I don’t know. I couldn’t tell. They were frightened. Really frightened. I wanted to talk to them more, but Father Bryan came ‘round and they ran off. I think it had something to do with him. I’d heard rumors, but I’d never…

The Priest shakes his head.

 **GARRETT  
**So what, you confronted the bastard?

 **PRIEST**  
I wish. Just brought it up with the bishop.

The Priest drains his glass. Garrett signals for another round.

 **GARRETT**  
And…?

 **PRIEST**  
And they’re transferring me to London.

 **GARRETT**  
London?! Fucking hell. Getting you all the way out of the country, then?

The Priest nods. The bartender hands them fresh pints.

 **GARRETT**  
Fuck me… Would they even let you into England if you tried?

The Priest gives Garrett a look. Garrett is amused. Beat. They sip their pints.

 **GARRETT**  
You’re leaving, right? The church, I mean.

 **PRIEST  
**I think I should give it another go.

 **GARRETT  
**(laughing with disbelief)  
Another go? They’re asking you to keep some god-awful secret-

 **PRIEST**  
It’s not like it’s the first god-awful secret I’ve kept, Garrett.

Beat.

  
**PRIEST**  
The church does a lot of good. It really does.

Garrett scoffs.

 **PRIEST CONT'D**  
Besides, what do I have to live for that is outside the church anyway?

 **GARRETT  
**(hurt)  
What do you have to… Fuck you, man.

 **PRIEST**  
You don’t get it, Garrett. The church was the only place I felt safe after-

 **GARRETT**  
Never mind all the time you spent hiding out at mine, eh?

 **PRIEST**  
Garrett…

 **GARRETT  
**(furious)  
You were a suspected fucking terrorist with a pedophile for a brother and parents with police records thicker than-

 **PRIEST**  
Why do you think I turned to the church in the first place?!

Beat.

 **GARRETT  
**(trying to be patient)  
I know you were fucked up after what happened to Emma. I know that the church helped you get out of everything that you were caught up in after that, and I’m grateful for it, I am. But this is too far, mate. They’re asking too much this time.

 **PRIEST  
**You don’t understand.

 **GARRETT  
**(fed up)  
I think I understand well enough. You’re running away. Again. Into the arms of the church, no matter how fucked up they are, instead of actually sorting your shit out.

 **PRIEST**  
It’s more complicated-

 **GARRETT**  
It really fucking isn’t though! Why won’t you stay and fight? Fight for what you want!

 **PRIEST  
**I’ve done more than enough fighting, Garrett. You of all people should know that.

 **GARRETT**  
Yeah, I do know it. That’s why it’s so fucking hard to wrap my head around now.

The two friends stare at each other.

 **INT. CHURCH. BACK ROOM - DAWN - CONT.   
**The Priest shakes his head to clear it. He tapes the box closed. He exits the room.

 **INT. CHURCH - DAWN  
**The Priest is now in the main part of the church.

His eyes fall on the confessional.

 **INT. FLASHBACK, CHURCH. CONFESSIONAL - NIGHT  
**Fleabag is speaking. The camera is focused on the Priest.

 **FLEABAG (O.S.)  
**I just think I want someone to tell me how to live my life, Father, because so far, I think I’ve been getting it wrong.

At this line, the Priest looks like he’s been hit with something.

 **FLEABAG (O.S.)**  
And I know that’s why people want people like you in their lives. Because you just tell them how to do it. You just tell them what to do. And what they’ll get out of the end of it. And even though I don’t believe your bullshit and I know that scientifically nothing I do makes any difference in the end anyway, I’m still scared, why am I still scared?  
(beat)  
Just fucking tell me what to do, Father.

Silence.

The Priest is thinking hard. He hasn’t touched his drink since stepping into the confessional.

 **PRIEST**  
Kneel.

Beat.

 **FLEABAG (O.S.)**  
What?

Beat.

 **PRIEST**  
Kneel.

Beat.

The Priest is conflicted.

Beat.

 **PRIEST**  
(gently)  
Just kneel.

The Priest has a silent war with himself. He stands abruptly. He’s changed his mind. He exits the confessional.

 **INT. FLASHBACK, CHURCH - NIGHT  
**The Priest stands just outside Fleabag’s side of the confessional. He reaches for the curtain.

 **CUT TO: INT. FLASHBACK, IRELAND. CHURCH. CONFESSIONAL - DAY  
**The Priest, younger, pulls open the curtain to a confessional and sits down. He begins speaking to an OLDER PRIEST.

 **PRIEST  
**Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.

 **OLDER PRIEST  
**What troubles you, my son?

 **PRIEST  
**I… I think I’ve made a mistake… A lot of mistakes.

 **OLDER PRIEST  
**How?

 **PRIEST  
**I… I’ve been involved in… things. Dangerous things.

 **OLDER PRIEST  
**I see.

 **PRIEST  
**I’ve hurt people. Some were guilty. Some weren’t… _Most_ weren’t…

Beat.

 **PRIEST CONT’D  
**I just… Something happened to a friend of mine a while back. Something bad and… and she… It’s been years, but… I’ve just been looking back on my life… and I just want to tell someone…  
(crying)  
Father, I think I’ve been getting it wrong.

 **OLDER PRIEST  
**God is forgiving. God is merciful. You’ve done the right thing by coming here. You really have. The church is the answer, my son. Peace, true peace, can only be found within these four walls. You must- ****

 **CUT TO: INT. CHURCH - DAWN - CONT.  
**A painting crashes to the ground close-by, startling the Priest out of his reverie. He shakes his head.

 **PRIEST  
**(to God)  
Alright, alright, I’m going.

He exits the church.

 **EXT. STREETS OF LONDON - MORNING  
**The Priest is walking through the streets of London, debating with himself under his breath. He is approaching a charming park. He glances at the camera. He takes a detour, walking into the park.

 **EXT. CHARMING PARK - MORNING  
**The Priest approaches a park bench.

 **EXT. FLASHBACK, CHARMING PARK - MORNING  
**The Priest and Fleabag are sat on a park bench, chatting as they sip coffees.

 **FLEABAG**  
What brought you to London?

The Priest’s smile freezes a little. He doesn’t like this question.

 **PRIEST**  
Oh, just, er, fancied a change, I suppose.

 **FLEABAG  
**How long-

 **PRIEST  
**(simultaneously)  
Have you ever been to Ireland?

Fleabag shakes her head.

 **PRIEST**  
I think you’d like it.

 **FLEABAG**  
Yeah?

 **PRIEST**  
Oh yeah. Rolling hills. Grey skies. Fiddles.

Fleabag smiles.

 **FLEABAG  
**I am a sucker for a good fiddle.

 **PRIEST  
**I thought you were the type.

They sip their coffees, eyeing each other flirtatiously. 

**EXT. CHARMING PARK - MORNING - CONT.   
**The Priest sits on the bench. He lets out a groan and buries his face in his hands. A growl makes him jump and look up.

A fox is stood before him, baring its teeth.

The Priest’s eyes go huge. He looks at the camera.

 **PRIEST  
**(to fox)  
Oh no. Not you. No! I am not doing this right now.

The fox growls again and takes a step forward. The Priest shoots the camera a terrified look. He can’t bear it. He takes off running. The fox runs after him.

 **EXT. STREETS OF LONDON - MORNING  
**The fox chases the Priest for several blocks. At one point, it catches hold of his pant leg, tearing it. He falls down but scrambles back up quickly. The Priest is now limping and bleeding from the knee. People stare. The camera follows him.

The fox finally stops, sitting down and staring as the Priest catches his breath.

His phone rings.

 **PRIEST  
**(out of breath)  
H-hello?

 **CLAIRE (O.S.)  
**You need to talk to her.

 **PRIEST**  
I know.

The Priest glances at the fox, then looks away quickly.

 **PRIEST CONT’D  
**Is she upset?

 **CLAIRE (O.S.)  
**Of course she’s upset! You ran out of the room without an explanation. You haven’t spoken to her in a year-

 **CUT TO: INT. FLASHBACK, HILARY’S CAFÉ - EVENING  
**Aftermath of the Priest’s fight with Martin. Fleabag is dabbing at the Priest’s bloody lip with a damp cloth.

 **CUT TO: EXT. STREETS OF LONDON - MORNING  
**The Priest scrunches his eyes shut and pinches the bridge of his nose.

 **PRIEST**  
I’ll talk to her.

 **CLAIRE (O.S.)**  
Now.

The Priest looks up. He can see the hospital a few blocks away. He looks at the fox. It’s smug.

 **PRIEST  
**(resigned)  
I’ll be there in ten.

The Priest hangs up. He looks at the fox, almost daring it to follow him as he takes a tentative step forward. The fox stays put.

The Priest continues walking forward, looking back over his shoulder at the fox every few steps. He glances to the camera, cautiously optimistic.

 **INT. HOSPITAL. FLEABAG’S ROOM - MORNING  
**Claire and Klare are trying to communicate with Fleabag, who is still having a hard time speaking. The Priest enters, looking bedraggled after the fox chase. Fleabag’s eyes widen at his appearance.

 **CLAIRE  
**There you are. God, are you alright?

 **PRIEST  
**Yeah! Fine!

Claire decides not to question this.

Fleabag turns back to Klare and Claire. She gestures.

 **KLARE  
**(to Fleabag) **  
** Lipstick?

 **CLAIRE  
**(to Klare) **  
** Why would she want lipstick?

 **KLARE**  
Maybe dry lips?

He looks hopefully to Fleabag. Fleabag shakes her head. She gestures again. Klare and Claire still have no clue what she wants. She’s growing frustrated.

 **PRIEST  
**She wants another pillow.

Claire and Klare whip around to look at him, surprised. Fleabag gestures. _Yes!_

 **CLAIRE  
**(accusatory)  
How did you know that?

 **PRIEST  
**It was obvious.

It was very much not obvious. Klare and Claire exchange a look. Claire gets up to grab another pillow. 

Claire props Fleabag up better.

Fleabag eyes the Priest. She gestures to his disheveled appearance.

 **PRIEST  
**Fox.

Fleabag makes a face. _Ah._

Claire gives the Priest a look. _Again with the foxes?_

The Priest does a helpless little shrug. Claire gives the Priest an exhausted sort of look.

**CLAIRE**  
Right, well, we'll be off then. Just going to pop over to that little café around the corner.   


Beat. She gives the Priest a stern look.

**CLAIRE CONT'D**  
We'll be back in one hour.

Claire and Klare both give the Priest very obvious meaningful looks as they leave. Fleabag rolls her eyes at them.

Beat.

Fleabag gestures, indicating Klare and Claire.

 **PRIEST  
**I like them together too. He really…

Fleabag nods. She gestures.

 **PRIEST  
**Softens her a bit, yeah.

She gestures.

 **PRIEST  
**Yeah, he’s been here on and off basically the whole time you’ve been in here.

Fleabag looks at him for a beat, then arches her eyebrows.

 **PRIEST  
**Yeah. I’ve… I’ve been here since the start… As your Godmother so kindly mentioned yesterday.

She gives him a look. The Priest is ashamed.

 **PRIEST  
**I know, I know we aren’t exactly…

Fleabag gestures. She’s upset.

 **PRIEST  
**I’m so sorry. Really, I should've-

Fleabag repeats the gesture.

 **PRIEST  
**I did what I thought was -

She makes a face. The Priest is growing frustrated.

 **PRIEST  
**I couldn’t just sit by! I couldn’t-

Fleabag gestures again.

 **PRIEST  
**WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY!?

She tries to yell back, but her voice is still too weak. She gestures furiously.

 **PRIEST  
**I CAN’T JUST PRETEND YOU DON’T MEAN ANYTHING TO ME!

Fleabag is fuming.

 **PRIEST  
**Tell me, honestly, what would you have done? What would you have done if it were me lying in that bed?

She gestures.

 **PRIEST  
**Oh, I don’t believe that for a second. Really? You’d really-

Fleabag gestures.

 **PRIEST  
**OF COURSE I FUCKING HATE THAT IT TOOK A CRISIS TO GET ME TO PULL MY FUCKING HEAD OUT OF MY ARSE!

The Priest throws himself down in the chair beside Fleabag’s bed. He puts his head in his hands. Fleabag watches him.

 **PRIEST  
**(head still in his hands, emotional) **  
** I’m a complete fucking arsehole, I know that. And I know you probably don’t want to hear anything more from me, and that you're probably really fucking creeped out that I was here this whole time, and I don't fucking blame you one bit if you never want to see me again, but there is just so much I need to tell you. I have to try, at least, and I’m so scared, I’m so fucking scared that you’re gonna…

Fleabag’s mood changes. She reaches out and nudges his arm.

The Priest looks up. Fleabag makes a face, asking another question. 

The Priest sighs. He slowly takes her hand. She doesn’t stop him. He looks down at their hands, stroking her fingers.

He looks up.

 **PRIEST  
**Would I have spent the last three weeks in this tiny room with your fucking Godmother if it had?

Fleabag slowly smiles.

**_TITLE CARD: FOUR WEEKS LATER_ **

**INT. CHURCH. PULPIT. – DAY  
**The Priest stands, addressing the CONGREGANTS. Beside him stands an eager-looking man, FATHER JACOB.

 **PRIEST  
**Good morning, everyone. I know that this is now Father Jacob’s show, but he so graciously allowed me to pop back up here on my last day. As you all already know, I have decided to leave St. Ethelred’s, but I have not told you what is going on behind the scenes, much to the aggravation of many of you!

Chuckles sound throughout the church.

 **PRIEST  
**So I’ve decided now is the time for me to come clean.  
(beat)  
Not only am I leaving this incredible church, but I am leaving the priesthood entirely.

Congregants murmur amongst themselves. Godmother and Dad are among them. Godmother is loudly whispering to Dad her theories on the Priest’s departure. Dad pats her hand good-naturedly, his eyes on the Priest.

Klare and Claire are also in the audience. Klare looks proud. He gives the Priest a thumb’s-up. Claire looks wary.

 **PRIEST  
**As you are all well aware, I’m far from a traditional priest, and I have so appreciated being able to serve you. You have let me into your homes, introduced me to your loved ones, and built the most amazing community around this church. You all have shown such selflessness in your love for God, this church and your community. You have all made me a better, more selfless, person in every way.  
(beat)  
But God has taught me that there are times in your life when you need to do something just for your own benefit. That your life is yours and yours alone, and if you yourself are unhappy, then how can you expect to make a positive difference in the lives of others? I have struggled with this concept for many years, and, well...

The Priest looks out at the room, soaking it in.

The camera pans to reveal Fleabag sitting beside Claire and Klare, amongst the parishioners. She’s got her arm in a sling, but she’s well.

She smiles.

The Priest beams in return. He keeps his eyes on her as he speaks.

 **PRIEST  
**This is a love story.

The Priest looks at the camera. He winks at us, then turns back to the parishioners. 

Fade to black.

**END OF EPISODE 7**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading. <3
> 
> Let me know what you thought!


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